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Australia physical activity - (Task 1 in IELTS writing test)

Tphuc 1 / -  
Apr 7, 2020   #1

the levels of regular physical activity of people in Australia

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram shows the levels of regular physical activity of Australian men and women, separated by age, in 2010.

Overall, there was an opposing trend between the percentage of men and women. However, the pattern differs between the three age groups before 45 and the remaining groups after the age of 45.

The first three age groups saw a downward trend in men's figure, which decreased 13.3%, from 52.8% in the 15 - 24 category to the lowest figure of the chart: 39.5% in the age group of 35 - 44. Meanwhile, the percentage of women doing regular physical activity in these age groups rose from 47.7% to 52.5%.

The trend of the percentage of men and women started to switch places after the age of 45. Women 45 - 54 years of age have the highest percentage with 53.3% but eventually decreased to 47.1% after the age of 65. Finally, the men of the age groups after 45 displayed the slightly increased of 3.6%, from 43.1% to 46.7%.

(166 words)

Thank you very much.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,669 4754  
Apr 7, 2020   #2
You should be referring to the age range being used in the chart as a part of the information summary. Referring to the measurement type as a part of the summary overview is also part of the expected information for this portion of the presentation. Please remember that the summary overview needs to present the complete information reference for the reader's benefit.

Your paragraphs are composed mostly of run-on sentences. This will greatly reduce your GRA score. You mistook long sentence for complex sentence presentations. That is not the case. Review your grammar lessons regarding how to properly develop complex sentences. Always separate your sentence information with a period. Do not just keep on writing without regards for proper punctuation marks. Use a variety of commas, periods, semi-colons, parenthesis (where applicable), among several punctuation marks that can improve your GRA score. Remember the best way to increase the GRA score will be through the proper use of simple and complex sentences and punctuation marks.

The presentation lacks a sense of analysis based on the given information. You practically just enumerated the given data. That means your approach is mechanical and memorized. You will score badly in the TA score because of the presentation style you used. Always consider the audience of your information and try to gear your presentation towards interesting the reader with what you have to say. This will help increase your TA and C&C scores.
hendiva87 2 / 3 1  
Apr 7, 2020   #3

Overall, you have done a good structure in Task 1. In the introduction, you have already paraphrased the question.

In overview, you mentioned 'overall' as a keyword and using a linking expression like 'however' in the sentence.

In body paragraph, you have described the chart. You wrote the change of trend from highest to lowest and otherwise.

A minor suggest is you no need to wrote the percentage precisely. You can write '52.8%' as 'above 50 per cent'. You can use words such as approximately, roughly, about, almost, just under, nearly to express it.

And avoid a hyphen like 'age group of 35 - 44', you need to write 'age group of 35 to 44 years old'.

Well done!

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