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TASK 1 - AVERAGE DISTANCE TRANSPORTATION MODE


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Dec 2, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the inhabitants' average distance of the transportation modes in England between 1985 and 2000 is depicted by using a table that is measured in miles. Overall, car was presented as the highest value, while the lowest was taxi. In general, it can be divided into three categories, there are vehicles that had tremendous, moderate, and tiny changes.

To begin with, the most enormous change was shown by taxi that rose more than three times than before, from 13 to 42. Then, private car, which had the foremost number went up to more than 50%, from 3199 to 4806. It was followed by train and local distance bus, both had around similar raise.

The second division were local bus and other which had distinct trend, although their change was moderate. While the local coach deteriorated moderately by 155 in 2000, other kinds of transportation mode went upward from 450 to 585.

Lastly, it was represented by walking and bicycle. It can be seen that pedestrian only had different 18 miles in those two years, while less distance was shown by cycler that solely at 51 in 1985, and had the tiniest drop among all by 10 miles.




akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Dec 2, 2016   #2
Hi Faiz..
I am gonna offer my thoughts to finalize your writing. Please, you review my notes.


car was presented as the highest value

Avoid describing the data like this. Briefly, it seemed meaningless. You should convert the data to words what have the meaning.
THE CAR WAS THE MOST POPULAR VEHICLE USED BY CITIZENS IN THOSE TWO DISTINCT YEARS.


there are vehicles that had tremendous, moderate, and tiny changes.

I do not know why you categorize the kinds of vehicles to those categories whereas you did not review in the body paragraph. It did not matter if you divided those. However, you have a responsibility to explain your clusters in the body paragraph. Actually, there were a large number of trends which can become the general or interesting trend.

Turning to the first body paragraph, I have not found the sentences which described comparisons. You failed to tackle the prompts entirely. I remember you again that our job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to display the data separately. It seemed uninteresting information. Besides that, you actually can make your body paragraph become tow parts, but you created three bodies. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. I suggest you provide more time to group. I believe you can describe the data more attractive if you wanna pay attention more to grouping. You can be easier to the construct sentence by sentence if you have had the clear group. It will become guide for you to make good flow as well. As many as you read the writing task 1, you will find the sense of writing and master this skill. You also prioritize to transfer the data the real circumstance so that it seems interesting to be read.

Please, you review those so that you do not make the same mistake grammatically and contently.
Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK


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