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The average number of students per class in primary and secondary schools in six regions by 2006

amira11545 8 / 15 5  
Oct 10, 2020   #1


The bar chart gives information about the average number of students per class in primary schools and secondary schools in six regions by 2006, and compares them to the world average. Overall, it can be seen that there were more primary schools than secondary schools in the world. Also, South Korea and Japan had the highest number of both types of schools compared to the others.

According to the table, the number of primary schools in South Korea, Japan and the UK all had larger primary classes compared to the world average. The figure for South Korea reached to nearly 35 students per class, which was the most significant. By contrast, Mexico, Denmark and Iceland had the smaller primary classes compared to the world average, with around 20 students per class.

Regarding secondary schools, the figures for South Korea, Japan and Mexico were all higher to the world average, with South Korea having the largest classes (approximately 36 students per class). Meanwhile, the UK, Denmark and Iceland had smaller clases in comparison with the world average (with around 20 students per class).

Word count: 182 words

LordAli 3 / 6 2  
Oct 11, 2020   #2
You can use slightly more professional statements like "This chart illustrates..." etc. Use more technical vocabulary where possible, imagine you are a news broadcaster delivering max information in minimum time. Moreover, you drew slightly wrong conclusions. First, it is not a comparison of number of schools as you mentioned in the opening paragraph, and the graph shows that there are more pupils per class in secondary schools in the world than primary schools. Second, you made this mistake again at the last line of first paragraph. It is a simple mistake, but can cost you marks.

Minor grammatical mistakes: No need to write TO after REACHED in 2nd paragraph. Remove THE after Denmark HAD.
3rd paragraph, Higher THAN the world average, not TO.

Other than these, its concise and to-the-point. Keep up the good work.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,735 3072  
Oct 11, 2020   #3
Actually, the only error you made was that you said the comparison was based on a world average when it was not. It is actually based on a select number of primary schools in several countries. You should have listed the countries instead, that would have helped you avoid confusion when writing your statements. You also confused the reader when you mentioned the bar chart in the summary overview, then turned it into a table in the second paragraph. It would have been better to not have given another image description instead since you already described it in the summary overview. These errors would result in clarity and cohesiveness issues and percentage deductions in an actual test.

A comma is used after the word "and", not before it. There are also instances, such as in your "2006 and," presentation when a comma is not required at all. You also spelled "classes" as "clases", a simple spelling error but one that will still have point deductions in the end. The less mistakes you make, the higher your score.

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