Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width   Posts: 2


Balancing Urban Growth: Should Parks Make Way for Housing? - WRITING IELTS TASK 2



hasham_hawk 2 / 1  
Dec 27, 2024   #1
Write about the following topic: Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The local authorities believe that the issue of housing crises in numerous major cities can be solved by allocating the land of park for the development of residential homes. This essay disagrees that the land for parks can be used for housing constructions. Firstly, the parks are allowing children and adults to get access to sports. Secondly, there would be no place for the families and friends to attend the events.

Parks are the great places for people for playing sports. There are numerous sports facilities such as the jogging area, the courts for various sports where children and adults come and play. Playing is a great extra-curricular activity for youth which allows them to keep active and nourishes their brains and parks are the places that provide them such facilities. For example, in the morning time, numerous people can be seen jogging and exercising while in the evening time, we can see a lot of people playing sports.

Parks are the peaceful locations where a group of families and friends can come and spend quality time together. People come in normal days or on special occasions, enjoy the time together, do gossips while sitting in the natural grass or on benches. It is a good place for organizing the events and occasions. For instance, concerts and Galas usually take place in big and open parks and numerous people come to attend them.

In conclusion, the land of parks should not be used for the housing projects as they can be used for various crucial facilities such as sports and playing areas and the fact that organizing the events require some kind of open field and areas and the parks are good choice for that.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15498  
Dec 28, 2024   #2
The writer shows an understanding of the topic that was provided through his accurate restatement of the problem and its underlying basis. However, there is an incorrect representation of the writing opinion that was given at the end of the original statement. Since this is a single opinion essay, and the essay cannot write itself, the writer is expected to take ownership of the opinion being presented using the first person pronoun "I". Additionally, the instruction clearly indicated that there is a degree of response expected, which the author did not provide in the representative response. Therefore, the paragraph cannot be given a full preliminary scoring basis. The writer should have used a calculated response by indicating a measurement of his disagreement with the given opinion. The indication of the 2 reasoning subjects will be noted as the complete thesis statement for the essay and will be considered for additional points in the TA section.

The problem with the reasoning paragraphs is that it fails to take into account the point of view of the opposition that it should be disproving. Fir instiance, residential developments now have community living spaces that have parks and shopping centers which are open to the public. So the reasoning of the writer becomes weak as it shows a lack of understanding of the evolving community structure across communities.

There is a lack of formatting compliance into he concluding summary. That should be divided into at least 2 sentence representations, which discuss the different reasons provided. it is supposed to be a reverse paraphrase of the first paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / Balancing Urban Growth: Should Parks Make Way for Housing? - WRITING IELTS TASK 2
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳