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IELTS essay: Ban on smoking in public places is a must!



pollyg 1 / -  
Nov 6, 2010   #1
Hello everyone! I need feedback on the following topic:
There is evidence that inhaling cigarette smoke causes health problems not only for smokers but for non-smokers who inhale other people's smoke. In view of this, smoking should be banned in all public places, even though this would restrict some people's freedom of action. What are your views?

Nowadays smoking has turned into a global problem. About one third of the world's population, including adults and underaged (teenagers mostly) in this number, smokes cigarettes, which is a disturbingly scary and big amount. It is the 21st century's epidemic.

In my opinion, smoking must be banned in public places, because other than causing health problems to themselves as smokers, they also affect non-smokers' health, especially children's and infants' who inhale cigarette smoke, which is very bad at such an early stage of their lives. Moreover, inhaling smoke causes more health problems and damage to non-smokers than it does to smokers.

Furthermore, if the authorities ban smoking in public places, smokers will say this is discrimination against them. They are not right, it would be better this way, because ruining the health of the future is way worse than what they call "restricting their freedom of action".

I think smokers should not be that selfish by saying that such bans are discriminatory, because actually they don't appreciate non-smokers' need and choice - having a healthy life with no cigarette smoke in it. They decided to smoke and demolish their health slowly, but this does not mean they should do this to other people.

Because actually smoking is this - causing constant damage to your body and health, for example people decrease their life expectancy, cause themselves different types of cancer, the most popular of which are lung cancer and oral cancer, impotence and many more diseases.

If we need to be more drastic, not only smoking should be banned, but also tobacco production should be forbidden, because it does not give anything praiseworthy to humans.

collegegirl94 1 / 3  
Nov 6, 2010   #2
I completely agree. Smoking needs to be banned in public places. Why should non-smokers risk their lives because they want to eat out at a restaurant?

The smokers have their freedom to smoke, however, they do not have the liberty to endanger the lives of others. That could end up as murder in the third degree. Every human has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health of themselves and their families (Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights).

Smokers have the freedom to choose whether to smoke or not. By banning smoking in public places, this freedom is not taken away. By banning it we are banning an action that causes life-threatening danger to others.

The point that they are making, I find, is stupid. It is equivalent to driving a car the wrong way on a highway.

The driver of the car can say that he has the "freedom of action" but in the end, all he is doing is endangering the lives of himself, his passengers, and everyone around him.
anb_duck /  
Nov 12, 2010   #3
Your points are alright, however, it can be better if you could polish your essay to a more objective one even though the question is inquiring for your own view.

For example :

Furthermore, if the authorities ban smoking in public places, smokers will say this is discrimination against them.

It would be better this way "Furthermore, if the authorities ban smoking in public places, some smokers would regard this as a discrimination against them."

Not all smokers will be annoyed by the authorities, for sure. So, it would be better if you write "some smokers". Besides, "will" should be replaced by "would" to make it less stronger (because not all smokers will complain).

Using "say" will make your essay sounds less academic, so it is better to be replaced with "regard".

You could also consider to not use a very complex sentence because it will just make the readers confused.

In my opinion, smoking must be banned in public places, because other than causing health problems to themselves as smokers, they also affect non-smokers' health, especially children's and infants' who inhale cigarette smoke, which is very bad at such an early stage of their lives.

It would sound better like this :
In my opinion, smoking must be banned in public places. It is because other than causing health problems to themselves as smokers, they also affect non-smokers' health, especially children's and infants' who inhale cigarette smoke, which is very bad at such an early stage of their lives.

Moreover, you should provide some examples of health problems like perhaps lung cancer. It will make your statement stronger by providing proofs.

Overall, it is a nice essay. Keep on writing !
sobin 12 / 24  
Nov 17, 2010   #4
its good that you have tried to justify the topic...according to me it will be better if add some more counter arguments with these points

all the best:-)
tbvjaos555 7 / 10  
Nov 17, 2010   #5
I think essay itself is good but the point that you argued is not enough strong.
I think it is better for you to make sure your position and clarify your opinion


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