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Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment statistics in Five big Countries in the Twentieth Century


mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment in Five Different Countries

A breakdown of the information about imprisonment in five different nations during six year period is shown in the bar chart. Overall, while other countries showed a declined trend, Great Britain and United States experienced an upward trend during period.

According to the graph, during 1930 to 1950, Great Britain was appeared a significant proportion in the number of prisoners. In contrasted, Australia and New Zealand had faced a decreased rate of imprisonment during this period. However, both United States and Canada were showed a fluctuated trend. Surprisingly, by 1930, New Zealand and United States had the same proportion in the number of prisoners at 100,000.

A more detailed look at the graph revealed that in 1960-1980, a number of offenders in Great Britain increased gradually. It was also followed by New Zealand prisoners which showed an inclined trend during this time. In contrasted, other states were appeared a fluctuated rate in the proportion of prisoners. Interestingly, by 1970, it had seen that there were three countries experienced the same proportion at about 60,000.

Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. First of all, you should put the image of the chart, to make other people easy to follow your essay.
2. For IELTS task writing 1, in the introduction, you have to put proper information including:
-paraphrase the statement and make it more interesting for reader.
- put the measurement to measure about the graph ( example: .... and is measured in percent/ton/million, depend on the chart)
- put the overall to make clear the view.
3.In contrasted
SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hello @mem77 I just wanna focus on your grammatical and let me give you some corrections about it :)

..., Great Britain and the United States experienced an upward trend during [the] period

..., Great Britain was appeared a significant ...
... New Zealand and [the] United States had the same proportion in =>of the number of prisoners at 100,000.

... that in 1960-1980, a number=> incorrect article=> the number of offenders in ...
... other states were appeared a fluctuated rate...

Keep writing :) Good Luck ^_^


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