IELTS TASK 1 BAR CHART ABOUT RENTS AND SALARIES

The given table gives information about the weekly rents for three different types of accommodation in three areas in London and the amount of money needed to occupy them.

It is clear that Notting Hill is the most expensive area and that people need to spend more money annually for a 3 bed apartment in all three areas.

For a single bedroom flat ,people need to pay 375 pounds per week in Notting Hill,50 pounds higher for the same in Reagent's park and 150 pounds more than in Futham.While the weekly rent for a two bed accommodation is 350 pounds in Futham ,an additional 95 pounds is required for a double bed in notting hall.Also for renting a three bed facility,people should pay 600,650 and 750 pounds in Futham,Reagent's park and Notting Hill,respectively.

Only people with an annual salary of more than 56,500 pounds can afford a single bed accommodation in Futham.However higher annual salry is essential (above 150,000 pounds) for a tripple bed in this area and approximately 50,000 pounds more needed per annum for a three bed in Notting Hill.

The given table gives => The given table PROVIDES (don't repeat "give")
in Futham. While the... => in Futham. MEANWHILE, the... (you only use "while" after a comma ",". It's a full stop so use "Meanwhile," instead)

and approximately 50,000 pounds more needed... => and approximately 50,000 pounds more IS needed

Maybe there's no picture so I find it difficult to visualise the chart, but I don't really get the structure of the body paragraphs: you reported figures about single bedroom, two beds, then three beds; then again with single and tripple beds? (did you categorise them based on the amount of money needed?)

Anyway I just want to say that you can structure your paragraphs in whatever way you want, just make sure there's some logic to it :)

You made good comparisons, sentence structures were various, and appropriate synonyms were used, so I think generally this essay is quite good! Keep it up!

Best

Thank you Thao T. Hoang. I have tried to stick to the minimum amount of words. obviously my second paragraph tells about the salary needed for the various accommodation. I think that a reader should understand the description of a chart without seeing the chart.If you were unable to understand it ,then it might be a bad writing.

I have a doubt
Is it compulsory that we should use 'while' in the middle of two sentence? I have seen many people start sentence "while" in the begining of two sentence.

Thank you once again.

Oh no, I just read your sentence again, and in this case, it is CORRECT to use "while" there, and "meanwhile" is not. I'm really sorry about that! I thought you were comparing the prices in the first and second sentence.

It is not compulsory. There are two ways you can use "while":
+ the first one is to use it after a comma in the middle of one sentence that has two contrasting ideas. for example: a single room in Reagant park required 100 pounds, while that in Futham cost 150 pounds

+ the second way is to use it at the beginning of a sentence that has two contrasting ideas (in some cases it equals although or whereas). for example: While a single room in Reagant park required 100 pounds, that in Futham cost 150 pounds. (this is what you used, and it's correct)

Again, sorry for confusing you!

Best

And as I said, it's not a bad writing. Maybe you should add some indication of what you are going to write next at the beginning of the paragraph, like: "In terms of salaries needed for various accommodation..."

Best

Thank you Thao T. Hoang.I will defeinetly try to follow your advice and hope that you will help me to improve my proficiency in this language.

That would be my pleasure! :)