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(IELTS Task 2) Discuss sport professionals' salaries

lonelyboyscc202 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2018   #1
Hello, this is my first time posting here. I would love to be corrected and later on, I would contribute to everyone's writing as well. Thank you.

plentiful financial provision for trained sportsmen

Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a widely held belief that specialized sport players' income is far too heavily invested in. Others opine that their salary is adequate. Personally, I would argue that both of these stances have their own plus and minus sides.

On the one hand, to some extent, some sportspeople are paid more than what they deserve. Undoubtedly, sports are not the only occupation which requires high payments. Other professions indeed assert sufficient commissions as well, since they make as vital contributions to the society as sports do. Such people as meteorologists, astronomers and researchers all need ample funding to maintain their work conditions. Were sports to be prioritized in investment, other fields would not obtain their satisfactory budget. Hence, the society would suffer from fewer findings and discoveries.

On the other hand, I believe the uplifted salaries spent on experts in sports are justifiable. To begin with, this line of work is a physically demanding and exhausting job. Footballers, boxers,.. are all in need of high salaries in compensation for all the protracted practice and endurance they experience. In addition, intensive sporting is unfailingly involved with occasional injuries. In order to make amends for these sprains as well as hospital cost implications, sport specialists are undoubtedly longing for superb paying conditions. Therefore, the high expenditure on expert sportdoers is understandable.

All in all, I am in favor of the viewpoint that the plentiful financial provision for trained sportsmen is plausible due to their suffering from harsh physical compulsions and frequent body bruises.

(252 words)

Teebest - / 7 3  
Oct 2, 2018   #2
some sportpeople did not flow. It would be better to say: ... some sportpeople, or To some extent some sportpeople

There are lot of grammatical errors, especially the second paragraph. You need to find the right words
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,631 2521  
Oct 3, 2018   #3
Nguyen, In this type of essay, you should be looking to discuss both points of view from a public perspective rather than a personal observation. While you are asked to discuss a personal opinion later on by the prompt, what is clear is that the two points of view must be coming from a public understanding of the issue. A combination of an understanding of the two points of view are what will then create your personal opinion on the matter.

While your essay response is somewhat okay, the fact that the prompt restatement is incomplete and your discussion is lacking a proper public points of view discussion for the two opinions before your own drag down your presentation. Your TA score is based on your proper understanding of the original prompt and your ability to properly discuss this essay. So the more acceptable discussion presentation is:

There is a discussion as to whether or not professional athletes are paid too much money. While reasons why they are paid so highly do exist, there are still some considerations that lead other to opine that the salaries the athletes are paid should be considered sufficient for their work. A presentation of these two public discussion points should help me create an opinion regarding the topic.

Athletes seem to be paid highly because...

However, there are times when the salary seems to be just appropriate enough...

Considering the two sides of the discussion, I believe that...

Hence, a sector of the public believe that... However, another opinion is that... These two factors have led me to opine that...

You have not written enough words to gain a higher scoring consideration. By increasing the discussion to a 5 paragraph prompt of about 275-300 words should help you better display your English skills and bring you up for higher scoring points. Never write just a little over the required number of words, aim for the middle so that you can fully use the scoring considerations offered by the increased word count.

Your current discussion lacks in discussion development so your GRA and C&C scores will be affected. You do not really try to explain what it is you are trying to say. You are merely saying things, without explaining its points. This removes from the possible clarity that your essay could have presented in terms of meaning and discussion. Try to do only one topic at a time or learn to use connecting words, phrase, or sentences in order to better orient the reader about what the discussion paragraph is all about.

Your word use can be improved. As you practice writing in English, you should find that your vocabulary will continue to develop and your sentence presentations will become far more complex than when you were first starting to write in the language. No rush with that. It just happens over time, without your noticing it. Just keep practicing in order to further develop your English writing skills.

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