The bar chart and the table description
The bar chart illustrates how many beds per thousand people in hospitals there are, while the table highlights the government spending on health care and the average life expectancy in various countries.
At first glance, the more hospital beds one has, the higher the life expectancy citizens are, while the less amount of expenditure on health per person has.
On average, Japan ranks first in the number of hospital beds among the eight regions, which accounts for around 14 beds for 1000 people. Next comes Germany, which occupies just over 8 beds for 1000 people, and this figure is nearly twice as high as that in the Netherlands. Nevertheless, the least number of hospital beds is the US, at just under 3 beds per person. In addition, there are around 4, 4, 3, and 4 beds in Australia, Canada, Spain, and the UK per 1000 people respectively.
Turning to the table, while only $2815 are spent on health care per person in Japan, this country has the highest life expectancy (83 years). Conversely, the figure for money spent for health in the US is about 3-fold as high as that in Japan but it has the lowest life expectancy, which makes up only 78 years. Besides, 3481 dollars are paid for health to keep people alive until they are 80 years old in the Netherlands.
I think that's good for your grammar and word use. Because I haven't seen the bar chart I'm sorry I can't comment anymore.
@Nhu Ngoc
You can upload images here, add the task images next time.
The bar chart illustrates how many beds per thousand people in hospitals there are,This part you should change because it is not clear what the bar chart illustrates. Maybe something like this The bar chart illustrates how many beds per thousand people there are in hospitals in seven (or eight) different countries.
the more hospital beds one a country has "one" here sounds like you are talking about a person who owns a hospital, not a country.
the higher the life expectancy of its citizens is are
The last part of this sentence I don't understand
least number of hospital beds is in the US
In addition, there are around 4, 4, 3, and 4 beds in Australia, Canada, Spain, and the UK per 1000 people respectively. This make no sense, maybe try to write two separate sentences to explain these four countries.
3481 dollars are paid for health to keep people alive This is scary, try to translate this into your native language and you will see why. Just paid for healthcare sounds better.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Make it a regular practice to review your essays prior to submission. This is so that you can catch the correctable errors in spelling, grammar, sentence formation, and thought presentation which can affect your final score based on the individual scoring criteria. In this essay, you have several spelling and grammar errors.
Spelling:
deliquency = delinquency
behaviors = behaviours (spelling difference between UK and American English)
Grammar:
Pronouns are used in sentences based on the intent of the presentation. So the form you use for the presentation should be in tune with the sentence requirement:
- This takes they to imitate = this takes them to imitate
Proper sentence structure:
- This makes them imitate...
Conciseness issues:
Do not use ordinals in an essay. It does not help to clarify your presentation explanation. Avoid using First of all, Secondly, Thirdly.
Use statements of certainty to make the intent or explanation clear in the sentence
- games have to raise awareness = games must raise awareness
- possible reasons = reasons
You must always use a voice of authority in your essays as you must convince the examiner of the truthfulness and validity of your opinion / explanation. That is why you cannot terms that could depict uncertainty in your presentation. Clarity is achieved by the conviction of your statements.
