IELTS Writing Task 1: bar chart about top ten countries in electricity consumption

the rank of consumed and produced electricity (2014)

The bar chart gives information about ten countries which consumed and produced most electricity in 2014.

China and the United States were the top two nations that both held high consumption and production in electricity. It is noticeable that Germany was the only country using more electricity than generated.

The top one country on the chart is China, which generated 5,398 billion kwh of electricity and consumed 5,322 billion kwh. The US also had similar amount of data, with 4,099 billion kwh of production and 3,866 billion of consumption.

By contrast, countries that ranked third to tenth had much smaller figures. Russia only produced over one thousand billion kwh, approximately a quarter of that in the US. Japan and India as well had output nearly a thousand billion kwh, however India was the nation with more surplus electricity. the tenth ranking country. Korea, was the only one which had both production and consumption of electricity under 500 billion kwh.

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"The US also ...". I think this sentence would be better if it is "The US also had an approximately equal amount of data to China"

Correct me if i am not right
-Adding more emotional words to make your article more emotional ( obviously, largely,....)
-Use more linking words and alter the way you describe to sound more natural rather than just enumerate features.
-Try to upgrade your sentence by using advanced words, relative clauses, comparision,....

you are missing an article with "similar amount of data", a comma after "however"
the comma should be separating the subject and verb in the last sentence.
in the last sentence, you have to use " that had" instead of " which had"

I think. Firstly, you should more pay attention to spelling "kWh". Secondly, you are missing an article with "similar amount of data", a comma after "however". This taks requires comparision, so you should apply more structures to compare figures that aims to diversify your structures.