What is better: academic or vocational education?

Hi, I am preparing for my Ielts exam in October, so I really hope that you guys can help me with my writing skill, and if you could give me a guess band, I will feel thankful for that.

encouraging people for vocational training?

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The recent shortage of qualified manual workers prompts many thinking that we should invest more in vocational education. I do not agree with this field as I think academic-related jobs will reap more benefits to our life.

Firstly, the abundance of manual workers such as plumbers or electricians, equals the shortage of blue-collar jobs, could pull the society back since they just meet the basic demands of our life, compared to economists who could bring out development strategies or bankers who help smooth the flow of money.

Secondly, given the proliferation of today's technology, it would be unwise for a country if they place more importance on jobs working by hands, as the lack of people in these jobs could easily be solved by the replacement of robots. In Japan, for instance, the prevalence of robots doing manual jobs has helped the country focus resources on high-skilled workforce in academic areas such as technology and engineering, leading to the wealthier economy and new helpful inventions.

Thirdly, government should also take into consideration the preference of citizens when choosing their career. In the modern life which highly appreciate intellectual classes, parents want their children to follow non-manual jobs and climb higher in areas such as doctors, lawyers, on the grounds that these jobs are highly-paid and not as physically demanding as plumbers or electricians. More investments in vocational education, thus, may lead to a resentment amongst citizens.

To conclude, owing to these reasons, it seems to me that should more attention and funding be paid to academic education as it will bring more advantages to the society and workers as a whole.

@suong1510
Hi there!

Good luck with your exam in October. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

It is critical that you are able to write with ease while still compressing your thoughts into smaller chunks of sentences. If you are able to do this, you'll have more structure to work with in the long-run. Other than this, it is also beneficial as it would pave way for you to have more space to talk about substantial content. Because you have this, you'll be able to incorporate more terminologies and sentences that will help you curate meaningful written works.

Watch out for lengthy sentences as well. Notice that, for instance, your second paragraph is not necessarily a paragraph - rather, it came out as a run-on sentence. Try to restructure your paragraphs in a manner that will articulate it fluidly and relay the information you have with more dynamism in the overall content.

Consistency is also important. Are you planning to call them manual workers instead of jobs working on hands? Using one term to encompass all would help you streamline your writing, making your content a lot more academically appropriate.

Lastly, be cautious of the way that you expound your thoughts. Say, in your third paragraph, it would be helpful if you can put more details as to how exactly these academic areas (tech/engineering) can assist the level of innovation present in a country.

Best of luck as always!