[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] EDUCATION - vocational training

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers.

Do you agree or disagree?

Besides choosing academic-based courses at university, vocational training is also suggested for graduates as a matter of fact that there is a shortage of trained workers such as electricians and plumbers. While I acknowledge the paramount importance of academic discipline, skilled workers are also brought the same contribution compared with other academic occupations as well. From my perspective, I am fully in agreement with this idea.

Without any doubt, book learning has played a significant role in our society for centuries, which teaches people about common knowledge and morale. After graduation, higher education is believed to be the most prevalent way to gain success in a number of particular fields that need specialized knowledge which could be put into practice afterward, such as doctors or scientists. Vividly, there are a great number of experts in every branch of human intelligence, who succeeded due to their specialty knowledge which they recollected in further academic courses.

However, if our society is full of doctors and scientists, there will be an unbalanced scale which leads to detrimental consequences for humanity afterward. The deficiency of laborers which accomplish manual labor such as repairers, electricians or plumbers will be totally adverse. For instance, there are people who cannot fix their household appliances, consequently if there is an emergency, they cannot handle it by themselves. Hence, it is necessary to have abundant laborers who don't need specialty to satisfy their job in order to do physical work. Moreover, there are some people with poor conditions, who cannot afford the costly fee of higher education. Hence, vocational institutes are the best choice for them to be able to be trained in short-term courses and put it into practice without finishing it.

In conclusion, training courses should be encouraged in order to offer the community a balance of occupations and suitability for each figure.

This is not an extent essay. You need not over state your opinion. Just keep it simple. You will not gain extra points for the over emphasis. Good work on the restatement and opinion presentation by the way. It is coherent and cohesive. You should get a good preliminary score for this paragraph.

The book learning part is not a supporting reason for your opinion so it should not be included in the presentation. Remember that you are supposed to justify your opinion as the correct one. Therefore, you should have taken the 2nd reasoning paragraph and divided it into 2 paragraphs instead. You will only receive a score for the supporting explanation paragraphs. When you alter the reasoning, the examiner will deem the essay under developed and give it a lower score.