Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The Birth Rates changes in two developed countries - US and China over the period of 1920-2000

Tran Hung 1 / -  
Sep 27, 2018   #1


The line graph shows the Birth Rates and how it changed in two developed countries including the US and China from 1920 to 2000.

It is clear that both countries saw a decline in their birth rates between 1920 and 2000. It is noticeable that the birth rates in China was almost lower than in the US over a period of 80 years.

In 1920, the birth rates of China and the US was not significantly different, at approximately 10%. From 1920 to 1945, there was a plunge in both countries' fertility rates, while the birth rates in China hit a trough of 5% in 1940 and held steady for 5 years, the lowest fertility rates of America (5%) was in 1945. And 5% was also the lowest figure of Americans' birth rates throughout the 80-year period.

By 1950, China's birth rates had reached a peak of 20% and since then, it dropped considerably and hit an all-time low of nearly 2 percent in 2000. This situation was similar to the US's fertility rates which increased to 15% in 1950 and declined gradually to roughly 7% for the rest of the period.

Hetav Pandya 7 / 15 4  
Sep 28, 2018   #2
For the sake of uniformity do repeat percentage once in words and the other time in symbols.
You can also include the fact that birth rate in China was always lower than the USA since 1955 rather than it was ALMOST lower in the period of 80 years.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4810  
Sep 28, 2018   #3
Tran, your analysis is a bit confusing to read. You need to focus on the clarity of the information you are presenting. For example, there are only 2 countries indicated in the presentation, China and the US. Therefore, it is a mistake on your part to say "including the US and China" because there are no other countries being mentioned in the chart.

Your trending statement is incomplete. You need to indicate what lower birth rate China had at the end of the 80 year period. need to create a solid trending presentation for that paragraph that indicates the rate of decline in birth rate for China at the end of the period.

Do not use connecting words to start a sentence. That is a basic writing rule in English. Your GRA score will be affected by the use of "And" as a sentence opener in the 3rd paragraph.

This is a good effort but you need to do more work in order to develop a better analytical presentation in your succeeding work. Remember to outline the provided information in line with the prompt requirements before you write the analysis portion of the essay. Take about 5 minutes to study the data before you start writing so that you will have a clear idea of what and how you hope to present the information in your essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / The Birth Rates changes in two developed countries - US and China over the period of 1920-2000
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳