I have to write an essay compare and conrasting skittles and starbursts. Stupid i know. Please let me know if this is fine. I not good with that kind of stuff. Thanks a bunch
Beth Lynn
English 121
Professor Swanicke
5 December 2006
Burst of Rainbow
There are some things in life that money can not buy. The main one; happiness. Following this opening statement is a comparing and contrasting of two candies, fighting for their rightful place in creating happiness in ones mind. Skittles verses Starbursts; one will stand on top and bring forth the true demeanor of peoples tastes.
Skittles are a soft candy, with a hard shell outer coating. The rainbow spectrum of colors blends to ones mind, as the colors are of a certain variety, much like an actual rainbow, blending and mixing to create a perfect harmony of flavor. The palate is transformed; there is a perpetual bliss when one indulges in one of these candies, projecting the eaters mind into a vision of the diverse rainbow, tasting the essential "happiness" thusly created by the flavor of each individual candy placed into ones mind.
On the other side of the fence, Starbursts explode with a mix of fruit juices, divulging into a burst of flavor with the soft, chewy candy melting in ones mouth. Starbursts create a sensory feeling, much like the predecessor in Skittles, but the difference with Starbursts is that they create their own language with their sweet, slightly sour bodies, manipulating ones mind to agree with their so-called fabricated faux-love. They create an amazing presence, beautifully shown through the flavor that it has made.
These two candies, both with their equal differences, share normality's, which make them alike. These are both, in actuality, soft candies that makes for an immediate example of their likeliness. In other terms, however, they make exemplarily details in creating peace in ones mind to provide the eater into another world, showing a side of themselves which has never been brought by any other candies, creating their own world of tranquility and celibacy through the taste of fruitful flavor.
Thus said, these candies are due time for their differences. They are, indeed, quite an amazing combination with their creations, but they are not all perfect. Skittles create the perfect rainbow, showing all colors of their kindred spectrum, housing all their special flavors and manipulating the person into believing they are on a rainbow, whilst Starbursts create a sensory feeling of an energetic, constructive mood that one will burst in a conflagration of a sweet, sourly, and chewy feeling of their own mind.
As a final statement in the differentiating battle of Skittles and Starbursts, I boldly state that the creator of the "rainbow" falls into first place in a blaze of glory, showing its superiority above these two candies. There is a reality created with the Skittles; for indeed, you can taste the rainbow.
Greetings!
Yes, you have definitely made your essay more interesting and colorful. Good job!
I'll be glad to help you get started on proofreading and editing. Let's take a look:
"The main one; happiness."
The rule for using a semi-colon is that the text on either side of it is a complete sentence. What you've got here are two incomplete sentences. The most correct way to say it would be "The main one is happiness," but since you're going for effect, you could say, "The main one: happiness." Using a colon indicates that you are stating something to make your point. It often combines two complete sentences, but not always.
"Following this opening statement is a comparing and contrasting of two candies, fighting for their rightful place in creating happiness in ones mind."
"One's" is the possessive form, so it needs an apostrophe.
"Skittles verses Starbursts; one will stand on top and bring forth the true demeanor of peoples tastes."
Again, "people's" is possessive. As you read through the rest of your essay, you'll find other instances where you need an apostrophe.
"Starbursts create a sensory feeling, much like the predecessor in Skittles, but the difference with Starbursts is that they create their own language with their sweet, slightly sour bodies, manipulating ones mind to agree with their so-called fabricated faux-love."
The phrase "the predecessor in" is unneccessay. ". . . much like Skittles" is less wordy. Also, you need a comma between "so-called" and "fabricated".
One other thing I might mention is use of the word "fruitful." I looked it up in the dictionary, and it means to bear fruit or to produce something. You could certainly use it somewhere in your essay as a clever play on words, but if you want to say the candy is full of fruit-type flavor, the better adjective is "fruity."
I see what your teacher was trying to do with this essay. The assignment seems kind of lame at first glance, but it makes you really think about how to decribe something. You did a very good job of picking out the differences and similiarities in these candies, and I like the addition of more colorful language.
The best advice I can give you for proofing your writing is to read it out loud, really listening to what you are saying. If it doesn't sound right to you, it probably isn't. I also advise checking carefully for things like apostrophes and other punctuation. It's those little things that often trip us up!
It looks like you worked hard on this, and with a little more proofreading, you'll be good to go. Good luck!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Ok i handed in my paper and my teacher gave me a D. She first wrote a B then wrote a c- and then a D. Do you think that this is a D essay?
Wow, I'm really surprised! I wonder why she kept lowering the grade?
One thing I've learned as a student is that sometime's it's hard to know just what a teacher is after. The best way to find out why she gave you that grade is to ask for her help in improving your essay. It sounds like whatever she was looking for, she didn't find it in your paper, but she'll have to tell you why not.
Sorry it turned out that way! I hope the next time things are better!
Sarah
one girl wrote a 4 page paper. returned it sayin it was to long and then she put it to 3 pages. the teacher would only read 2 pages and gave her a b why is that fair.
