We can now buy more things but lost our traditional values and customs -IELTS writing

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many tradition values and customs have been lost and it is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is a contemporary trend to work hard and do not have any free time left to spend it with family and friends.
Majority of people work hard to be able to afford more expensive and more quality goods. And I am not sure if this attitude is good or bad.

On the first hand many people think that others should be aware of importance of human relationships. They say that money means nothing. And relationships are important.

However, on the other hand it is often claimed that many of us can not life without some things.
I think that people are not able to be satisfied without being happy. And they will be happy only if they have everything they need or want.

I suppose that there is a group of people who are not able to imagine their life without a luxury car or a villa also. They consider things more valuable than other people or even their family.

I think that this means a loss of traditional values. Although, tradition customs are quite important to us and it is necessary to safe it for the next generations I am confident that personal values are the most important. Mainly, because our personal values influence our behaviour directly.

In my opinion, I think that people should spend less time working and try to enjoy at least a day per week just with family. But I know that it depends on everybody of us how he or she will decide.

And in conclusion I think that we should think less about money and try to give our traditions and personal values to our children. Otherwise the world would look like from a horror movie in 50 years. I am certain of it.

Thank you for checking in advance :) and can you advise me what IELTS band should i expect?

The first sentence is a good hook. :) I like it!

However, your grammar needs work!

It should be THE majority of people. DO NOT START A SENTENCE WITH AND. Also, I'm not sure if this is meant to be an opinion paragraph, but try not using so many I's.

Also, please avoid starting *every sentence* with the word "I think" or "I suppose" or "In my opinion". As many of my teachers like to say: I ALREADY KNOW THIS IS YOUR WORK AND THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK, YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP SAYING IT. The second sentence is way too opinionated and irrelevant, the last sentence is a fragment. Try ending it like so: "People nowadays need to think less about money and more about the customs they should pass on to their children". The piece in general is alright, but difficult to read due to all the grammar issues. Patch it up and you'll be on your way! :)

Good advice! For the IELTS I think it is best to be careful and not "bend" any rules. According to the rules of grammar, you are not supposed to start a sentence with a conjunction (and, but, or). But, people break that rule all the time! In an essay like this, though, it is best to obey all rules.


This is another good piece of advice.You are cool, northerly!

Here is something else:
However, on the other hand it is often claimed that many of us can not life live without some things.

live -- verb
life -- noun

Make this a complete sentence by adding some words: Mainly, this is caused by the fact tha t our personal values influence our behaviour directly.

But I know that it whether people agree with this idea depends on their priorities.

And In conclusion I think that we should ...

Otherwise the world would look like from a some kind of horror movie in 50 years. I am certain of it.----- wow, brilliant ending!! I never thought of it that way!!!! :-)