Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT TO CONTROL VIOLENCE AND CRIMES? Yes, it is important



shofa_nefertete 12 / 35  
Sep 21, 2010   #1
QUESTION: In some society, capital punishment is legal to control violence and crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

In this world of evil and cynical distrust, violence and crimes are lurking in people's ugly heads again. The vicious cycle of crime and punishment retaliates an alarming effect to society's safety. I strongly affirm with my resounding agreement to the establishment of capital punishment to eradicate the increasing occurrences of such heinous crimes.

Primarily speaking, the necessity of death penalty has been the prolonged clamor of victims' immediate family and relatives of these predators who demoralize and disrespect the life of their preys. A plea for justice has always been the battle cry of these innocent victims who impatiently wait the verdict of this bureaucratic delayed justice system. Moreover, some of these convicts are generally given life imprisonment which in the long run can be granted with parole; years after repayment, vengeance is once sought after by these criminals. Though this humane world has been able to give a glimmer of hope for these prodigal sons to repent for the acts committed, the financial backwash should also be taken into consideration. The need to construct more prisons and jails is growing in leaps and bounds and the hungry stomachs of these people have long been siphoning our economic budget. On the long run, the taxes we pay are feeding these lackadaisical convicts more than the benefits we accumulate for what we pay.

In the Philippines for example, crimes on what every degree either murdering a crowd or raping a minor have equivalent justice repay of life imprisonment. Some of them are sons of business tycoons and political figures who can pay their way out. More often than not, others return to their habit of gore and hatred. In addition, rehabilitation centers are even more crowded which can be detrimental to the health of other prisoners. Aside from that, we are serving meals and comfort all throughout their years of repentance.

In as much as we maintain the authentic Christian and active non-violence advocacy to these people, but they have become more of a liability than an asset to the country.

After all, this world is turning fast and there are lots of problems to attend to and we cannot wait any longer for such metanoia to happen producing conscientious fellowman out of an ill-bred sociopath. (373 WORDS)

sharkondiet 3 / 22  
Sep 21, 2010   #2
I'm totally impressed by your vast fund of vocabulary. Here are just my humble suggestions:

On the long run, the taxes we pay are feeding these lackadaisical convicts more than the benefits we accumulate for what we pay.

=> In the long run

In addition, rehabilitation centers are even more crowded which can be detrimental to the health of other prisoners.

=> I suppose you should add a comma before "which" . Anyway, it seems to be a typo :)

Aside from that, we are serving meals and comfort all throughout their years of repentance.

=> ...we are serving meals and giving comfort all ...

I'm not certainly sure whether you should lard your IELTS writing with so many complicated words or not. However, it appears that all of them seem to be straight to the point then I guesss it's alright :)

Really looking forward to your next post!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Sep 24, 2010   #4
I strongly affirm with my resounding agreement with the establishment of capital punishment to eradicate the increasing occurrences of such heinous crimes.

Fair enough. But some people put execution in the same category as torture (cruel and unusual punishment that is beneath humans). On the other hand, Immanuel Kant agreed with your position.

To make the argument stronger, refute the common arguments against capitol punishment.

Google this:
is capital punishment is not morally required
and this
no, capital punishment is not morally required

You will find 2 excellent articles, one of which is by Steiker.

:-) Your writing is excellent!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT TO CONTROL VIOLENCE AND CRIMES? Yes, it is important
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳