I don't care how poor a person is; if he has family, he's rich - CLEP testing

I'm making an early attempt at a CLEP essay for College Composition. Any helpful critiques would be great as I'd really like an honest opinion of my efforts.

Assignment: I don't care how poor a person is; if he has family, he's rich

CLEP essay for College Composition

The love, support and companionship of a family cannot be measured in any type of physical or traditional currency. Its worth is priceless. Since the beginning of time man has existed in a family or clan based environment much like many animals in the wild such as wolves, gorillas and our most closely related relative the chimpanzee. Abraham Maslow in his groundbreaking 1943 paper on basic human needs identified social inclusion as one of the four most critical human needs in his Hierarchy of Needs model.

Early man relied on his tribe or clan to hunt, provide food, raise offspring and combat rivals. Without the support of the clan they would have little to no chance of long term survival. I would venture to say that during this period, predating traditional forms of currency, the inclusion into a clan or similar family group would have provided the most valuable currency of all; survival.

In the middle ages, extended family groups living communally was commonplace. Members would work to tend crops and livestock, raise children, care for the elderly and again protect themselves and their property. In many cultures the penalty of being banished from the clan as an outcast was akin to a death sentence as an individuals chance of survival was remote.

The existence of communal family living has all but vanished in modern times but an extended family relationship is still vital to modern man. Social networking has introduced a new form of family communication as members can share experiences, photos and videos in real time from anywhere in the world. A family bond ensures companionship no matter how geographically distant. With a few mouse clicks or keystrokes families can provide comfort, share important news, send holiday greetings or even forward funds. This type of readily available family support though not traditional in a physical way can be critical even lifesaving to a family member in distress.

The priceless value of family has been demonstrated throughout the history of the planet as in most instances it means survival. When faced with death, hunger or even loneliness there is no physical currency that can provide the priceless, lifesaving comfort and support of family.

Hi Paul, this is a very well written and expressive essay. I really wish that you had provided us with the complete prompt topic and discussion instructions because I would have loved to be able to assess the essay based on the CLEP scoring guidelines. If you had given me that opportunity, I would have been able to offer you a better assessment of your essay and quite possibly, found the weaknesses in your discussion. At this point, I will not be able to do that anymore. I can only give you one free observation and advice. Even if you supply me with the prompt now, it will be useless. There is no way I can advice you anymore due to forum rules. All I can tell you at this point is that you wrote a good essay. Is it strong enough to get a higher half score or will it be in the lower half? I can't tell because you did not give me the complete instructions for your prompt assessment. Your discussion abilities are strong. Your analytical abilities can use further development. Your paragraphs can use more focus in terms of content discussion. That is the overall impression I got from reading your essay. Maybe, when you post your next CLEP essay for review, you can include the complete prompt and discussion instruction requirement. That way I can give you a better opinion of how exactly you are doing in terms of preparation for this test.

Sorry, as @Holt pointed out the assignment instructions would have been helpful. I've pasted them below.

Directions: Think carefully about the topic presented below, and write your response by hand on paper. You have 30 minutes to compose an essay which develops your point of view on this issue. Support your discussion with specific reasons and examples from your reading, experience, or observations. When you have finished writing, click the Done button.

Your practice essay will not be scored. However, once you have finished your writing, two sample essays about your topic will be provided, along with the scores they would have received. There will also be explanations of why they received their assigned scores. After reading the two sample essays and the accompanying explanations, you should be able to take a critical look at your own essay and evaluate how well you did.

Sample Topic 1: I don't care how poor a person is; if he has family, he's rich.

The love, support,and companionship of ...
Since the beginning of time,manmankind or human beingshas(have) existed in a family or clan based (...) most closely related relative, the chimpanzee. Abraham Maslow[/B]on basic human needs identified social inclusion (...) human needs in his groundbreaking Hierarchy of Needs model in 1943.

Early man relied on his their tribe or clan to ...
Without the support of the clan, they would have little to no chance of ...