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In many cases the development of a country is accompanied by pollution and environmental d



seoudima 1 / -  
Nov 14, 2013   #1
In many cases the development of a country is accompanied by pollution and environmental damage. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Can it be simply avoided if the country takes an environmentally friendly approach?

There is no doubt that the turn of current century has witnessed a tremendous development in many aspects of industries. Most of industrial developments are attached with side effects that could destroy the environment in long term. As we live in this infected environment, definitely, we will suffer from illness and fatigue. I'm strongly agree with the statement that the development of a country is accompanied by pollution and environmental damage. I will review specific reasons to support my point.

First of all, the competition among the car manufacturers, make them severely strive to enhance the features of the car to make it more comfortable. Few manufactures thought about manufacture a car that working by gas to be more compatible with the environment. For example, as per the last statistics of the International Union of Cars 3% of car manufactures designed an engines that working by gas instead of petrol to avoid air pollution.

Moreover, everybody know the importance of the electricity on our lives. Governments used to use the gasoline to run the electricity generators, but nowadays, governments are looking forward to use the solar energy instead to kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, to minimize the country budget, because the use of gasoline is very costly. Secondly, to generate electricity that are environmentally friendly to decrease the risks of the pollution. For instance, government of New Zealand started to use the solar energy to run the windmills since 2010, because they discovered that the use of gasoline causes many health damages for people.

All in all, it's very obvious that country development makes the people life become more comfortable, this may be true to some extent, but people lives deserve to care about. Pollution has a great impact on people health which threaten their life, unless the country takes an environmentally friendly approach to avoid pollution and environmental damage.

gabbie 9 / 19  
Nov 14, 2013   #2
your introduction seems a bit long and does not stick to the prompt "Can it be simply avoided if the country takes an environmentally friendly approach?". I did not find your view about this in your intro

First of all, the competition among the car manufacturers, make them severely strive to enhance the features of the car to make it more comfortable.

your topic sentence is not clear because it does not link to topic you are going to say about : country's development cause pollution and environmet damage. Not relevant !

The same mistake. The topic sentence must be clear

looking forward to using
kill two birds with one stone -> idiom sounds unnatural and awkward
both your two latter sentences have grammatical errors -> lack subjects -> what minimize the country budget ? what generate electricity ?
if you mean these are two purposes of using solar energy you should not split up your sentence
aoey 6 / 16  
Nov 14, 2013   #3
Few manufactures thought about ...
->I think this sentence would rather be written in Present Tense because you are talking about the current action.

Moreover, everybody know the importance ....
-> Moreover, everybody knows the importance ....

Secondly, to generate electricity that are environmentally friendly ....
-> Secondly, to generate electricity that is environmentally friendly ....

Pollution has a great impact on people health which threaten their life...
-> Pollution has a great impact on people health which threatens their lives ...
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Nov 15, 2013   #4
There is no doubt that the turn of current century has witnessed a tremendous development in many aspects of industries.

.... what do you mean by "turn of current century"? This sentence is not strong enough to be a good hook :( With this sentence you open your essay and therefore it should be powerful enough to draw the reader's attention towards your writing.

I'm strongly agree

I am strongly agreeing / I strongly agree ... "I strongly agree" is the better form :)

First of all, the competition among the car manufacturers, make them severely strive to enhance the features of the car to make it more comfortable.

Don't single out one particular industry because your prompt is based on all industries. You can highlight a particular industry in your examples. Otherwise you cannot align your writing with what your prompt suggests.


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