Some causes of adults to get education and comparison of courses costs - in the charts

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart
shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people
think the costs of adult education should be shared.
Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.

You should write at least 150 words.

The bar chart displays some causes of adults to get education and the pie chart compares costs of course spent by them.
Overall, it can be seen clearly that the main reasons of those people to attend school are interest in subject and to gain qualifications, the highest percentage of those fees expected by them are allocated to individual.

To begin, more than four in ten of adult choose to study as they are keen to its major or lesson and to be qualified in their chosen fields. Following this, around a fifth of adult do it for getting job easily, improving prospects of promotion and enjoying its activity. Then, other reasons mentioned are to be able to change employments and to meet numerous people, both accounts for only roughly 10 %.

Turning to costs of course which are expected to be shared in three parts, the biggest proportion is for individual charge in which it accounts for 40 percent of total fees, whereas for employer is just 35% and the percentage of taxpayer is nearly a half.

(156 words)

Nora, I think you still needs a lot of works to be done in this essay. I hope you can follow through my feedback in the detailed descriptions below.

- You need to remember that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

Avoid making too complicated sentence (long sentence but inaccurate) like these:

- Overall, it can be seen clearly that, (comma needed) the main reasons of those people to attend school are interestED in subject and to gain qualifications. Then, the highest percentage of those fees expected by them are allocated to individual. (you can separated this sentence)

- Turning to costs of course which are expected to be shared in three parts, the biggest proportion is for individual charge in which it accounts for 40 percent of total fees, whereas for employer is just 35%, (comma is necessary, since this is a continuation of the previous idea) and the percentage of taxpayer is nearly a half.

Remember the criteria of band 5 "attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences" . Therefore, my suggestion is that you need to make a sentence structure that you are sure 100% correct. Good luck for the next practice :)

Hi Nora, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website truly helpful and valuable to your writing projects and accept our feedback as constructive criticism that will guide you in creating a stronger essay.

To start with, the task has strict word restrictions that you have to adhere to and as this is an analysis, you should also make sure that the chart os posted so that we can have a basis for our findings. Anyhow, I would like to share a few insights below;

- The bar chart displays somethe causes
- compares the costs of
- this coursesspent by them .

- clearly that the main reasons
- of thosethis people
- to attend school are interest in the subject
- fees expected by them areto be allocated
- to the individual.

There you have it Nora, I left the last two paragraphs for you to see the difference of the original analysis to that of the revised one above, mind your linking verbs and make sure to incorporate them in your sentences.