Causes that farming land couldn't produce effectively and effect of it in three countries in 1990

Writing IELTS Task 1- DEGRADATION LAND

The pie chart provides information about causes farming land cannot produce effectively and the table shows the effect from unproductive land in three different countries in 1990. Overall, it can be seen that over-grazing is the most significant reason for land degradation and Europe is a county which has the highest damage on cultivation land.

Over-gazling is the highest percentage reason for land cannot be used maximally with 35 percent. In other sides, deforestation is number two at 30 percent, where over-cultivation only 28 percent. There is another reason that effect to productivity of land, but it is the smallest percent from others.

There were 3 countries that have damage based on the table. Europe is the highest percentage and North America is the lowest with 23 percent and 5 percent respectively. For over-grazing effect, Oceania get the highest value at 11.3 percent where North-America is the lowest at 1.5 percent. Europe got more damage on deforestation at 9.8 percent and followed by Oceania and North Amercia. And there is zero percent where Oceania did not have impact from over-cultivation.

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  Question
  

Hi Mardian,
Here's my contribution towards your essay, particularly in IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- The pie chart provides the information about causes farming land cannot produce effectivelyless productive farming land and the table shows the effect fromofunproductive(be careful in choosing the appropriate word. It might cause over-generalization and therefore, you can't reach band 6 or above. Mind the difference between unproductive and less-productive) land in three different countries in 1990.

- Overall, it can be seen that over-grazing iswas the most significant reason for land degradation and Europe iswas a country which hashad the highest damage on cultivation landland cultivation.

2nd paragraph:
Over-gazling isOver-grazing was the highest percentage reason for land cannot be used maximallythat caused less productive landwithat approximately 35 percent.
- In other sidesOn the other side , deforestation iswas number two at 30 percent, where over-cultivation only 28 percent.

Overall, I can see that your essay has major errors in choosing the appropriate tenses for this type of essay. You can determine this by looking at the year. If it is 1990s, why did you use past tense? It might ruin the whole essay and therefore, you cannot reach band 6 or above.

Hope this helps :)