Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The information about the main factors of lack productivity of farming land over the world


SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Oct 29, 2016   #1
Writing Task 1 (Scoring Test Week-III)
Causes of Land Degradation in Worldwide and Some Regions

The pie chart and the table provide information about the main lack productivity factors of agrarian in over the world and its specific effects toward soil reduction in several continents in 1990s.The pie chart and the table were presented in the percentage includes over-grazing, deforestation and over-cultivating as factors of soil reduction. Overall, over-grazing is the highest factor of soil reduction in worldwide and also in Europe's continent during 1990s.

Based on the table data, Europe was dominated high scores almost in all factors and causes it became the highest ground-derivate by 23 percent with logging was 9.8 percent and followed by over-cultivation and over-grazing with 7.7 and 5.5 percent. Then, the second position of high soil degradation was happened in Oceania by the percentage is 13, which over-grazing as the most contributes with 11.3 percent. And the last, the country with the smallest land degradation was occurred in North America with only 5 percent. Additionally, to sum up almost all regions have difference in causes of soil degradation.

(171 words)




ibe13 36 / 50 9  
Oct 30, 2016   #2
Aloha Sarlinda, here are my thoughts;

... information about the main factors of lack productivity factors ...
The pie chart and the table were presented in the percentage includes over-grazing,...(I think this sentence is not needed to explain your essay because you have already mentioned this on your first sentence) Overall, over-grazing iswas the highest factor of soil ...
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Oct 30, 2016   #3
Hello i will give you suggestion:

Be careful your sentence

The pie chart and the table provide information about the main lack productivity factors of agrarian in over the world and its specific effects toward soil ...

it will be goo if you say like this:

... information about the main factor which cause lack productivity of agrarian in worldwide and the number of/ the percentage soil reduction in 3 regions in 1990s which cause of degradation
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
....... the main lack productivity factors of agrarian DECREASING PRODUCTIVITY ......
....... were presented in the percentage includes TO SHOW THE FIGURES OF over-grazing, deforestation and ....
Overall, over-grazing is WAS the highest factor of CAUSING soil reduction in worldwide GLOBALLY and also in Europe's continent during 1990s.[REDUNDANCY. AVOID REPETITION]

Based on the table data , Europe was dominated .........7.7 and 5.5 percent. = INACCURATE LONG AND COMPLEX SENTENCE

... of high soil degradation was happened in Oceania by the percentage is 13, .....

overall, in introduction, you did paraphrase the question and gave an overview although there is a problem on the way you compose your sentences. Those are repetitive and ineffective. you selected some appropriate information in overview but it has not covered all the main trends or general view of the data.

No clear grouping in body paragraph while it also consist of one body paragraph. You should compare each data and present it in ideally two paragraph at least. Predominant errors in complex structure. concern about the meaning and function of your sentence. learn more about the appropriate way to use passive and active form,.


Home / Writing Feedback / The information about the main factors of lack productivity of farming land over the world