Causes of land degradation and deforestation in 1990's - IELTS1

Causes of land degradation

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarize the in formation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates how the land using for agricultural convert to degradation and less effective, while the table compares the propotion of land which degraded in three areas, including: North America, Europe and Oceania.

Overall, it can be seem that Over-grazing and deforestation are major reason for the degradation of soil. Whereas the largest rate of land degradation belongs to Europe.

In the pie chart, Agicultutal is the most effect on land. Over-grazing account the largest part with 35%. Follow by that, in second position, deforestation also distribution for the degradation with 30%. Besides, other reason is Over-cultivation, this rate gain to 28% in total. Other part which unknow up to 7%.

The most porpotion of land degradation is owned by Europe, this areas constitude 23% of total land degradation, including: 9.8% of deforestation, 7,7% of over-cultivation and 5.5% about over-grazing. While this rate in North America is lower , only 5% with 0.2%, 3.3% and 1.5%. Althrough, Oceania has 13% of degradation but this rate of land degradation just about 1,7 % of deforestation and 11,3% of over-grazing.

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@kjra178
I'm not a professional, but in my opinion :
1) Paragraph 2 and 3 can combine as one.
2) Paragraph 3 => In the pie chart, ...... Other part which unknow up to 7%. =>
The pie chart present four reasons, Over-grazing account the largest part with 35%, Deforestation made 30% to be second, Over-cultivation as third with 28%, plus other reason hold 7%, they all made agricultural that destructive to the land.

3) Overall, haven't make comparisons where relevant.

It just my opinion. You can ignore it if you think it is useless. :)

@kjra178
I would like to add some points.
1. Over-grazing account the largest part with for 35%.
2. Other part which unknow is up to 7%.

Here is the paragraph I describe for the pie chart.

In the pie chart, there are three main causes resulting in land degradation. Over-grazing is the largest proportion among all, accounting for 35%. Follow by that, deforestation is the second one, with 30% and 28% of this problem results from over-cultivation. The rest is other reasons at 7%.

The paragraph above is just my writing, I am not sure if this will help you a lot, but just a share.
Good luck to you on the exam:)

@kjra178
Here is the paragraph I describe for the pie chart.

In the pie chart, there are three main causes resulting in land degradation. Over-grazing is the largest proportion among all, accounting for 35%. Follow by that, deforestation is the second one, with 30% and 28% of this problem results from over-cultivation. The rest is other reasons at 7%.

The paragraph above is just my writing, I am not sure if this will help you a lot, but just a share.
Good luck to you on the exam:)

@kjra178 This is an essay that shows how little effort you put into perfecting the presentation of your paper. There are numerous spelling and grammatical errors strewn throughout the essay that you failed to edit and proof-read either due to lack of time or worse, you just did not care to double check yourself. These mistakes in grammar, (such as spelling Agricultural as agicultutal). You are capitalizing words that are not proper nouns in the middle of sentences and failing to make any sense in some sentences that you wrote. Specifically, in the first sentence of the first paragraph.

There is a lack of proper sentence structure and development in that sentence so I really cannot understand what it is that you are trying to say there. The outline summary is also incomplete as it does not include a paraphrase of the original prompt instructions for the discussion. Basically, you are looking at severely low scores in the LR and GRA section of the scoring process. The TA may not score highly either because of the problem with your summary presentation.

Overall, the examiner will take a look at this essay and have only one opinion of you that will affect your final score, you just did not care to pass the exam, which is why all of these mistakes abound in your work.

Thank for your comment! this is my first presentation with fast writing, so i will other with more effort