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IELTS Task 2 - Causes and Solutions of Obesity and decreasing Health



propeace 1 / 1  
Mar 21, 2019   #1
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness is decreasing.
What do u think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?


BODY WEIGHT AND HEALTH



Kindly evaluate this essay in terms of Task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource and grammatical accuracy

In recent years, there has been a rise in the average weight, and a detrimental effect on overall fitness and health has been observed in the population. This essay will explore two of the reasons that have caused these problems and propose measures that might address them.

One of the most significant causes can be attributed to the sedentary lifestyle adopted by the people, that resulted from the advent of technological developments, and has minimized the amount of physical labor required in daily activities. For instance, doing house chores in the past mostly required a great deal of manual effort, but with new machines and consoles, that has been greatly reduced. To tackle this, government must take help of media and create awareness of these issues by making health related shows and movies that would encourage people to make exercise an integral part of their routine.

Another important cause is the excessive consumption of fatty junk food. This has led to an increase in obesity and heart diseases, and has affected the overall health of people. The reason for this increase is the cheap price of these foods as compared to fruits and vegetables. For example, an average person who used to eat green vegetables, prefers junk food now because it is a lot cheaper and is deemed to be more delicious. To mitigate this problem, state-imposed taxes should be increased on junk food and advertisements on television regarding them should be regulated.

In conclusion two of the main causes of increased weight and deteriorating health of people are sedentary lifestyle and excessive consumption of fatty foods. However these problems can be managed by government-sponsored health shows and movies followed by increased taxes and ad-regulation of junk foods.

Constance [Contributor] - / 19  
Mar 22, 2019   #2
Overall, this is an excellent essay with your being direct in sharing the reasons for the issues and the measures for correction. In paragraph two it might be good to say 'the government must....." Good job....
OP propeace 1 / 1  
Mar 22, 2019   #3
Thank you very much for your words of appreciation.


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