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IELTS Task 2 : Causes and solutions student less leisure


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Sep 24, 2014   #1
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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School and leisure play a pivotal role for students all over the world. While the great numbers of academic demand pursue students to achieve sophisticated knowledge, they should sacrifice much of their leisure to accomplish it. As per the problem, I believe some solutions should be pondered to overcome such students' difficulty.

Schoolchildren nowadays are forced by many duties either in school or extra courses. This may increase the tendency for parents to support them in various activities, however, this decision unconsciously kills the schoolchildren's time to have leisure. In order to enhance the sophisticated school mark it may accepted, but it takes student far deeply in the mental pressure. Results show 80 % of Australian parents register their children to special a course called TAFE in purpose to get some extra coaching for preparing a sophisticated university examination, and most of students are suffered with a mild state of mental distress.

Another possible cause is the national policy including shorter duration of study in elementary stage. While this policy implement, student have to force their-self to fulfill all of the requirement. In Indonesia this called Akselerasi which cuts a year of study term than its normal. Schoolchildren who join with such program commonly engaged with several extra lessons out off main class as their study work far outweigh over the regular class. As a result, their leisure time must be sacrificed.

Having said that some solutions can be taken to solve this problem.
Firstly, school and parents should provide a positive atmosphere for children to study, either at the school or at home, in purpose to avoid much pressure in the students study work. The atmosphere is not only about school facilities and environments but also making a suitable schedule that considerably takes the portion of the children's leisure. Secondly, the State Ministry of Educational Affairs has a responsible to make a federal policy encountering student needs of the sufficient time in study and leisure, this policy plays a vital role for the educators in practicing study process. Finally, the core of the solution comes from students' struggle to face study work. Students are expected to have a full set of soft skill in accordance to support their study such as self-commitment, self-discipline and self-manageability. While student also completed with such skills, the pressure coming from the schools' works should be easily to hand in.

In conclusion, some possible causes come from the parents influence and the federal policy in educational system. Meanwhile, the viable solutions cannot stance stronger independently, but it should make a synergy from the school, parents, government and student as the learner.

ritairianti 3 / 12 4  
Sep 25, 2014   #2
Hey sekar,
Your essay is really good with great explanations,
however I suggest you to write 4 paragraphs including:
1. Introduction
2. Main paragraph
Explaining about the question number1
3. Main paragraph
Explaining about the question number 2
4. Conclusion

On one side, I think for ielts task 2 isn't too much word sekar, with almost 500 word .
However, your essay is awesome.
Keep going Sekar !! =)
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Sep 26, 2014   #3
It is well-structured essay and I do love it so much. However, remember that we only have 40 minutes to write an essay task 2.

School and leisure play a pivotal role for students all over the world (you need a sentence to build coherence) . While the great numbers of academic demand pursue students to achieve sophisticated knowledge(I suggest you to check it out for appropriate adjective) , they should(I think, it innapropriate to use "should" in this sentence) sacrifice much of their leisure to accomplish it. As per the problem, I believe some solutions should be pondered to overcome such students' difficulty.

young people

I prefer using "teenagers" instead of "students" or "schoolchildren"
teenager : someone who is between 13 and 19 years old
schoolchildren : a child attending school

achieve sophisticated knowledge

acquire much detailed knowledge

Let me try to give an introductory paragraph

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

School and leisure time play a pivotal role for students all over the world. Some teenagers are engaged in hectic schedule of study which kills their free activities at least half their time. Thus, I argue that some solution can be taken to overcome this problem.
SAM2014 8 / 13 3  
Sep 26, 2014   #4
In order to enhance the sophisticated school mark it may accepted, but it takes student far deeply in the mental pressure
"student" should be "students"
hsamadii 3 / 6 1  
Oct 1, 2014   #5
State Ministry of Educational Affairs has a responsible to make a federal policy encountering ...

it has to be responsibility
Timberlake 1 / 5  
Oct 1, 2014   #6
your position is given indisputable and is aware inspiring i would like to able in terms of writing like you.


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