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CBEST Essay - Students caught DUI



elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Nov 11, 2009   #1
Hi, can someone review my essay. thanks

The state law penalizes students caught DUI by suspending their driver's liscense. State whether you agree or disagree. Support your answer.

"America was once a kingdom of safe drivers, but now it is transforming into a society of reckless drunken drivers," stated by USA Today in its 2008 issue. DMV clearly stated a law to penalize those who will be caught DUI under the age of 21, yet, a strict implementation is necessary. I strongly agree in the state law suspending driver's liscense of students are caught DUI. Penalizing and suspending a driver's liscense decreases road accidents, brings maturity for young drivers and teaches citizen to be law abiding.

Although driving while texting has been the number cause of road accidents, yet, we can't deny the fact that DUI among young drivers is still number two on the list. In fact, SF Chronicle in its January 2009 issue showed an increase in statistics by 50% from last years number. Studies show that drivers aged 17-24 years old are more susceptible to road accidents compared with drivers aged 25-35 years old. This tells us that DUI is prominent among younger ones. Suspending liscense will lessen DUI drivers at night since a a restricted driver's liscense will only allow a person to drive to and from school. A year ago, my neighbor's son was caught and got his liscense suspended. For months, he did not drive while intoxicated with alcohol for fear of being caught again and have his liscense revoked. It is like hitting two killers at the same time. Suspending a liscense will eliminate drunk drivers on the road and eliminate drinking among young ones. Or better yet, once suspended a person learns to be extra careful with his actions, thereby, decreasing road accidents especially at night.

Suspending a driver's liscense will indeed bring maturity to a young driver. Definitely young ones will learn their lessons once they tasted deprivation from driving. How in the world can you survive without driving your own car in this country? I honestly can't imagine life if I have to drive my teenagers in every parties they have to attend too. Surely, they would hate to be seen by friends being driven by their parents all the time. My friend's son, Tim, learned his lesson the hard way. After being caught and had his liscense suspended he tried to avoid driving when intoxicated. For a month, he had to ask favor from friends to pick him up whenever he want to hang out with them. For him, it was humiliating and unbearable calling and arranging schedule with friends to pick him up. He was turned down on several occasions. Sometimes he had to let go his own activities and was left with no choice but to stay at home. He surely learned his lesson and made him look at life in a mature way. As the movie, "DUI: Dead in 5 Seconds" where Russell Turner shares his tragedy and informs us that driving under the influence is a choice. It's a choice that has possible lifelong consequences. Tim, my friend's son, choose to play it safe and avoid its lifelong consequences like accidents or death.

We all have pledge allegiance to our flag to abide by the law. Definitely this includes abiding by the state law. I believe in Pres. Woodrow's quote that "Freedom is like a steam, it is useless unless it is contained." He actually meant like a child we are given our freedom to do what we want to do. Yet as we grow up we need to be subjected to laws. Without containing this freedom, there will be no direction. We will all be free to do and act the way we want. In the same scenario, we all have freedom to drive yet driving entails responsibility and maturity to ensure safety in the road and towards our fellow citizen.

Suspending a student's driver's liscense caught DUI may stir up disagreement to some citizens. Yet, the benefits outweights the risk of road accidents in our country. It will lead to maturity among suspended drivers and develop law abiding citizens.

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Nov 12, 2009   #2
The Department of Motor Vehicles clearly stated a law to penalize those who will be caught driving under the influence under the age of 21, yet, a strict implementation is necessary. You should write these out in the beginning of your essay.

I strongly agree with the state law suspending the driver's license of students who are caught DUI.

Although driving while texting has been the number one cause of road accidents, yet, we can't deny the fact that DUI among young drivers is still number two on the list.

After being caught and having his license suspended he tried to avoid driving when intoxicated. Be careful of spelling the word license...I always have to look that up!

Your essay is coming out great! In the third paragraph you tell about your friends son, the inconvenience and humiliation he went through...this may be a better attention grabber to many teens than the threat of death!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 12, 2009   #3
...ing and suspending a driver's license decreases road accidents, brings maturity for young drivers and teaches citizen to be law abiding.-----> This is the kind of claim that has to be backed up with a citation. If you are in high school, it doesn't matter, but... in college, you need to cite some research studies that show that this penalty does indeed deter drunk driving.

You make a strong argument here. I guess it should be easy to make a strong argument, because I doubt many people would argue that drunk drivers should not be punished...

Suspending a student's driver's license when s/he is convicted of DUI may stir up...


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