Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


Center Stage; The music has begun



Rajiv 55 / 398  
Jan 9, 2011   #1
MUSIC STAGE

Imagine a stage --- a really big one, like the kind which have professional performances. Imagine you're standing there, behind the curtains on the side. The music has begun -- Nutcracker Suite -- and the rising strains fill the hall. Perspiration beads your face, the overhead lights are shining; brightly illuminating a spot in the center of the stage. A expectant hush fills the hall and you close your eyes to focus on the music and lose yourself in it. Other stage hands are looking at you but their faces register as blank of expression. That isn't where you will find the assurance, as you poise yourself, ready to launch from the sidelines on cue..

Your first movement is a rush to the center as the spotlight catches you. The music rises in a crescendo and you slowly twirl, countless eyes fixing you in their gaze; and you feel the audience lean back in their seats; they expect a high performance tonight, and you will not disappoint them. Suddenly your partner is fluttering on to the scene, dressed in pink, her ballerina shoes barely touching the ground. A smile fixed on her face, the one for the stage, and you try to meet her eyes; for only then will the magic begin. Each performance is as individual as a painting created afresh, or a poem written for the first time. Only those who have been there on stage know how true this is. Specially so when you want to deliver a virtuoso performance; you, your partner and the music become one. The audience, is almost incidental.

The music tempo picks up and you both go through the early steps, gracefully, almost mechanically. Her's is the more difficult part, you provide the support for her many pirouettes and twirls and swings. You feel her tension as the most intricate motions come on. But you've done it so many times you're confident and try to pass that to her. Then, smoothly, you've both crossed over the difficult passages, and hear a collective sigh from the audience; and then you are rushing into the closing of the piece. She looks at you now, the corners of her mouth twitch in the faintest of smiles. She catches your expression, eyebrows raised - I was never worried - you want to say, and you feel her siding up closer to you, letting you feel her warmth in a small gratitude. The music goes high, then in another crescendo - ends. You both land side to side, immaculately positioned on your feet, and raising your clasped hands together, take your bow; the audience cheers. You've given them the performance they had come for.

Thank you.

glam_tap_chick2 2 / 3  
Jan 9, 2011   #2
this is truly amazing. You're descriptive words make me feel like i am right there backstage with you. I am also a dancer, and i know this feeling and know how amazing it is.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 15, 2011   #3
Strunk and white recommend a comma for a compound sentence -- Other stage hands are looking at you, but their...---however, your writing is really high quality stuff, so you do not need to follow conventions like that...

I get confused at the end of that first paragraph... sort of disoriented trying to follow the meaning.

The audience, is almost incidental.--This is a strange use of a comma... almost seems like an ellipsis would be more appropriate.

Her's is the more--I am pretty sure no apostrophe is necessary in hers... but I am not sure, now!

Wow, what the heck is the point of this? I mean, it is great, but is it a metaphor for something? You are a good writer, and I like the use of the second person perspective...

:-)
OP Rajiv 55 / 398  
Jan 15, 2011   #4
Thanks Kevin for taking the time to read this. As to the question about what the point to it is, I am truly not sure myself. Simply felt the need one day to express these feelings, create the stage .. and dance with an imaginary partner !

Thank you for the complement on my writing. I should pay attention to my grammar !
shadowfax 5 / 21  
Jan 15, 2011   #5
Rajiv, you are a truly amazing writer man. I really loved the imagery. Even though, the use of second person narrative sounds good in the essay, I don't understand who you're talking to. Are you trying to say that I (me, the reader) or is it that you are imagining yourself to be a different person and do it? I don't know. But overall this is a spectacular essay! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Feb 4, 2011   #6
As to the question about what the point to it is, I am truly not sure myself.

That's pretty cool, Rajiv. I guess that is how most great art gets created.


Home / Writing Feedback / Center Stage; The music has begun
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳