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Change in structure of an island - the first one is before, and the second one after the development



ngocanh123 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2020   #1

The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities



The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island while the first one is before and the second one is after
Overall, comparing two maps, there are lots of significant changes after this development. Many facilities are built on the island and sea near the island is used for tourist activities

The island before construction was huge and void with several palm trees and the beach in the west . The total length of the island is approximately 250 meters

After the period, the island is developed dramatically into an attractive tourist place. The most noticeable additions are the hotel rooms. There are 6 buildings surrounding some palm trees and 9 buildings on the centre of the island. Between two accommodation areas, a reception building and a restaurant has been developed . A pier has been built for sailing activities on the south of the island. The beach on the west has been used for swimming. However the east of the island hasn't been changed, it likes abandoning for a period.

THC1310vn 7 / 19  
Mar 4, 2020   #2
You get some good ideas but you make several grammar and vocab mistakes.

"The two maps ..."
This is a run-on sentence, you should separate "The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island. The first one is before and the second one is after."

"... and void with several palm trees ...". Don't use "void', it is very strained. I would fix "The island before construction was a huge wilderness with several palm trees and the beach in the west"

"However the east of the island ...". You use non-existent word and depend on present perfect. I would write "However, the east of the island remained changed, it seemed to be abandoned for a period."

Most important, I think past tense is suitable in maps and it may be risky to write in present tense.

I guess this is your maps


  • maps.png
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Mar 4, 2020   #3
As I am not sure if the image supplied above is accurate and actually a part of the Task 1 essay that you wrote, I will not be referring to it in my review. It is your responsibility as the student, to post the image that accompanies your essay. It is not the responsibility of the people at this forum to supply you with that image. Kindly supply an image with your next posting should you decide to continue participating in this forum. In the meantime, let me give you a general review of your work. That is the best that can be done owing to your forgetting to upload the image with the post.

Whenever you use an introductory element such as "However" and "So", you need to use a comma to separate the serious intonation of your statement from the actual information. The introductory element is used to hook the reader into the paragraph, so there needs to be a pause in order to allow the reader time to anticipate what the next discussion will be.

Remember to use a comma when presenting a conjunction. That is because the conjunction is used to join together phrases or words within a sentence in a related manner. I am not sure if you should be using a word of uncertainty in this essay because the image normally gives a precise measurement. So you need to present the measurement as factual instead of uncertain in the report. Do not use contractions in the sentence such as "don't". This is a professional and academic report, keep the tone formal by spelling out the word. Do not use casual English references.
OP ngocanh123 1 / 1  
Mar 8, 2020   #4
@Holt
Thank you for your review . I will fix my mistake


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