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Writing task 1: The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education



eya123456 2 / 3  
Aug 4, 2023   #1
The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



The bar chart compares five countries in terms of the percentage for the female pursuing tertiary education in 1980 and 2015

Overall, apart from Australia, upturns from 1980 to 2015 were recorded in other countries. Although that of South Korea was the most marked compared to the rest, there are the fewest women attending college in this country

Specifically, taking the highest place with nearly 60% of the total women in 1980, no differences was recorded in the data for Australia after 35 years. At the bottom was the proportion for female higher students in South Korea, which stood at about 15% but witnessed the most evident growth of a factor of two in 2015.

Turning to the three other countries, there was a correlation in trends between UK and USA but the bars for USA was a bit higher. Of the three countries mentioned, the rise in the number of the French women pursuing higher education was the least noticeable.


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Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Aug 9, 2023   #2
The summary overview is incomplete. Seeing as how you mentioned 2 specific countries in the trending statement, you should have predicated the mention on a complete listing of the 5 countries in the summary section. That way the reader would not be confused by the sudden mention of information from 2 specific countries. The summary overview will not receive complete scoring consideration for the preliminary TA score due to this ommission on your part.

Added to the problem and scoring deductions will be the fact that you did not even bother to try and compare / contrast the information for the last 3 countries. Information about these were mentioned in the actual chart, but you disregarded the information for some reason, leaving the essay problematic in the C+C section. This will get a failing score.
OP eya123456 2 / 3  
Aug 10, 2023   #3
@Holt Thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate it:
This is the overview part I have rewritten: (I just don't get what you mean by saying "a complete listing of a complete listing of the 5 countries in the summary section". Does it mean I have to list all the names in particular?)

Overall, Australia showed the dominance of the number in 1980 and remained unchanged until 2015, in which upturns were recorded in other countries, especially the US reached equally. The data of South Korea was the lowest but showed the most notable climb in 2015

Also, I've redone the second paragraph, I find there's a lack of figures in the 3 other countries so I have added them. Here it is:

Likewise, commencing with a range between 30% and 40% in 1980, the percentages for the UK and US women witnessed an equivalent increase of 20% but one for USA was a bit higher in 2015. Meanwhile, the rise in the data for French women pursuing higher education was the least noticeable from 50% to nearly 54%


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