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Writing task 1: The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money

lilinhxk 1 / -  
May 27, 2024   #1
The chart indicates changes in the number of British people with severe age range doing charity between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, the total percentage of people over 36 years old raising funds in both 1990 and 2010 is more than that of the minors and adults.
As can be seen from the chart, although the 36-50 years old in 1990 was the highest proportion of people raising funds (over 40%), that in 2010 recorded a fall with only 35%. Also following a decrease, the 26 to 35 years old in 1990 accounted for more than 30% which was higher than that of 2010 with nearly 25%. When it came to the prior 25, the money achieved in 1990 was documented 3 times as much as that of 2010.

As regards the money given to charity, the figure for the 51 to 65 years old witnessed an rise by approximately 5% and took the first place in 2010. The 20 year period witnessed an increase in the proportion of people over 65 raising funds from over 30% to 35%.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
May 28, 2024   #2
The chart indicates

The reference to the image is incomplete. Since there are several chart versions used for the Task 1 essay, you are expected to me very specific about the type of chart that was presented. You should indicate that it is a columnar bar chart next time.

between 1990 and 2010.

Incorrect. The image indicates a comparison point of 20 years difference. It is not a between comparison because there are no other dates indicated. So this is a specific comparison in terms of date references. You are misleading the reader when you say "between".

You need to be careful with your formatting. Make sure that you clearly separate the paragraphs and that the examiner will not accidentally view your presentation as not following the correct paragraphing style for the task.
thaoly2007 4 / 6  
Jun 3, 2024   #3
there are some errors in your writing such as "an rise" . The overall plays an important part in your writing which should be more comparative and show the reserved trend. The word " witnessed" should be paraphrased as it is overused in the last paragraph. Also, the way you divided those paragraph is not so reasonable because the first one was double longer than the second one.

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