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In the chart the population distribution in age, of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 27, 2017   #1

populations of Yemen and Italy

The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy In 2000 and projections for 2050.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrate the population distribution in age, of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Various changes can be seen in these figures. In this essay, I will distill the key points to make informative comparisons.

Overall, Yemen was much younger than Italia in 2000, and will be all the more so in 2050. In any given year, the overwhelming majority of population in Yemen was, or will be younger than 60. By comparison, a significant proportion of Italians were already 60 or older in 2000, and the figure will be even higher in 2050.

In 2000, people under 14 made up a bare majority - 50.1% - of population in Yemen, a larger share than 46.3% for those aged 15 to 59, and 3.6% for those 60 or older. In 2050, youths and middle-aged citizens will constitute the largest population group. They are forecast to account for 57.3% of the total, compared with 37.0% for babies and teenagers, and 5.7% for elders.

The spread of population across each age bracket is quite different in Italy. Only 11.5% of Italians will be under 14 in 2050 - even lower than 14.3% in 2000. The share of people age 15 to 59 is also projected to plummet from 61.6% in 2000, to 46.2% to 2050. By contrast, the share of older people will nearly double from 24.1% in 2000, to 42.3% in 2050, strengthening its position as the second largest age group.

243 words

just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 27, 2017   #2
Here are some corrections,

to make informed comparisons
majority of the population in

And also I think it is better to put your second paragraph, in the end, I think it makes more sense because you started it with overall, which can be used for the conclusion.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648  
Oct 27, 2017   #3
Gang, you seem to have developed an affinity for the word "distill". You are limiting your LR capacity at the moment. I believe this is the second essay where you have decided to use this word. Try to vary it up. Look up other words for distill and check if the meaning of each word can be used as a replacement word in the essays you will be writing. Don't get hung up on one word for all your essays. Even if it sounds good. You need to grow your vocabulary range. Remember that.

Good work on the trending statement. Since the Task 1 essay doesn't require a concluding paragraph, you placed it in the most appropriate place where it can have most effect on your score in terms of TA considerations. The fact that you knew not to go over the maximum word count shows that you are conscious of the scoring parameters as you write the essay. It seems like writing these essay have become almost second nature to you already. I am rightfully impressed.

One thing though, when you mention the year, it is more appropriate to say " in the year 2000" as a reference point. Remember, this is a topic sentence so indicating the year shows what the discussion is all about. Simply saying "In 2000" could mean just about anything in a general statement. It is alright to say "In 2050" because you already established that you are referring to year references in the paragraph.

Overall, your writing is getting smoother and the mistakes are almost negligible. I dare say that you are well prepared to take the test anytime you want and you will be assured of passing it.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 27, 2017   #4
Thank you for your corrections. I'll improve my writing accordingly.

As a English learner, I have been reading the New York Times, the Economist, BBC, VOA and other leading news sites for two years. But I had always a hard time to apply my learning. The consequence is that I doubted my capacity from time to time. It is under your guidance that I can put my knowledge into practice now. I appreciate your generosity and admire your encyclopaedic knowledge.

Next time I will use another word to replace "to distill". To be sure. Now my goal is to come across as a English native speaker when my writing is examined. :)

Frankly, I was amazed when I finished the post. There was no pause. I wrote it smoothly.
Quite happy. :)

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