The chart shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter - 2000

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 BAR CHART

The chart below shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter of 2010

The bar chart compares the number of turnovers in dollar of three different bank branches in the first three months of 2010

Overall, with the exception of Seaford bank, two other ones managed successfully to raise their sale revenues with the more pronounced increase being seen in the Brighton branch.

As can be seen from the chart, Brighton bank 's earnings stood at nearly 25,000 dollars in January prior to a sudden drop to around 15,000 dollars, which was lower than Newhaven branch with 20,000 dollars in February. However, Brighton bank made an unexpected recovery by skyrocketing its income to 40,000 dollars, which was the highest revenue among the three branches, a month later. Similarly, Newhaven bank's turnover went up to precisely 35,000 dollars in the same given month.

In contrast, a reverse trend was seen in the Seaford branch's revenue. This bank stood at nearly 15,000 dollars revenues before gaining 12,000 dollars, around 27,000 dollars, to become the most profited one in February. However, a remarkable fall to 11,000 dollars in its earning was recorded, resulting in its turnovers being the extremely lower compared to two other banks in the next month.

p/s: wish can get a lot of comments from all of you. I'm a newbie to ielts so please, don't judge me too hard.

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Where did you get the bank name? It appears that you made it up? It wasn't included in the chart you provided and the instructions you gave indicated a general reference to a bank, no specific name. If there was no specific name in the image provided, you do not need to make one up. You can simply say "unnamed bank". That happens sometimes. Do not feel the need to make up information where none is provided. It makes the information presentation inaccurate. Since this is a data report, you need to present precise, accurate data. That means, do not include information not found in the chart.

The summary overview is not really complete. You should be presenting the information about the branch names, the value used for the turnover, and the trending statement. Your trending statement will be most useful in increasing your score if you combine it with the summary overview since the trending statement creates a concluding presentation for the overall observed information.

Do not say "As can be seen" because your mindset has to be that the examiner will not have access to the image, so your report should create a mental picture of the information you are presenting. Be more imaginative than "As can be seen". Say something about the chart movement in relation to the information you want to say, is it a downward, upward, or stagnant presentation? Does it fluctuate in results? Consider using more imaginative descriptive words. By the way, the names I mistook for bank names? Those are actually bank branches. So do not refer to it as a bank name. Use alternatives to branch such as: arm, chapter, office, section, or wing. There are other possible references that you can figure out later on.

Good work with the information presentation. It is relatively clear considering you had to write this within 20 minutes only. Your work is informative and highlights the comparison discussion based on facts. You stayed on track with the sentence requirements. You may try to aim for 5 sentences per paragraph next time, just to increase your scoring potential. I know you can do it. I see the evidence in front of me.

I believe you can score well in this writing section. You just need practice and proper guidance. I hope I can do that for you. I hope I wasn't too harsh with my critique of your work. I am here to help you and sometimes, students don't want to hear what is wrong with their work. They just want to hear what they did right, which isn't going to help them improve. I try to balance my advice between the positives of the essay and the negatives.

@Holt
thank you so much! Your review has been really helpful to me since you not only corrected me but also motivated me to work harder. I will pay more attention to what you have said. ヾ(・ω・)メ(・ω・)ノ

By the way, you weren't critical at all ! In contrast, you seem to be a gentle and kind teacher who also has a wide knowledge in your field.