Cheap Labour - allowing unemployed to work is a good way to help them to pass their poverty line

Question:

Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labor.
Discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of making unemployed people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?

Answer:

As the world is more competitive, the number of unemployment is growing. This is the reason why some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their benefit payments. However, others argue that this is a way to create cheap labor. While people believe that this trend has merits and demerits, I would argue that it has more advantages than disadvantages.

It is believed that if unemployed people is made to work, it will decrease the number of people who under the poverty line as they can earn money even though the salary is cheap, and it is better than becoming an unemployment. A 2013 research of Keele university shows that the number of the poor in several countries like India and Brazil which are made unemployed people to work was decrease slightly in the over two decades. It causes many countries trying to apply this trend. Consequently, it becomes a significant solution to decrease the number of the poor in some countries.

While it is believed that this trend can help people to increase their income, quality of employees is not becoming a predominant concern for some companies as people take any job beyond their skills. Study shows that more than 2,000 companies which is made unemployed people to work do not provide their employees a training so as to give them basic skills. It affects the quality of the employees who work in those companies. It means this trend will give a detrimental effect for employee's quality.

It is imperative that this trend will help the government to decrease the number of unemployment. Likewise, it will help people to pass through the poverty line. Even though it is a good method to help unemployed people, the training of employees have to become a priority in order to provide high quality employees and prevent the cheap labor as they have quality in their discipline.

All in all, despite the disadvantages of making unemployed people to work, it will be a good method to help the poor to pass their poverty line. It is imperative that to prevent unemployed people becoming a cheap labor, they have to give basic training so as to improve their quality.

(369 words)

1) Strong 1st paragraph. Your position is clear.
2) 2nd paragraph- Make sure you change is to are, because you are talking about people (indicating more than one person). Place are before under when discussing the poverty line. I would start another sentence when you discuss those who are unemployed earning money. I'm confused about what you are saying regarding employment. Do you mean that it is better for them to continue to have work experience than relying on unemployment? Please look at the source you have for the study from Keele university. I'm assuming that people in those countries had unemployment but had to work. As a result of finding work, the number of those unemployed declined. Try to explain that source better so it can be clear. Also give credit to this study by telling where you found it. Was this source from a website, book, etc.? Remember to put that source in parentheses after the sentence. Do you mean that many countries have tried to apply this trend?

3) 3rd paragraph- I'm not sure if the first sentence is a quote. However, you maybe able to add "unfortunately, the" before quality to make it sound better. Yet, if this is a source, please look at the source again. For the next sentence, please look at your source again. The study may be saying that companies that do hire the unemployed aren't providing them with training to acquire the basic skills. See where you found the source and give credit to the source as you are going to do with the study from Keele University. I would change the last sentence to say "this trend could have a detrimental effect for an employee's quality of work". This would make the sentence more complete.

4) 4th paragraph- You can add the word "However", before the first word in the first sentence, or a transition word that will help the reader to understand that you will be discussing an advantage again. When you refer to cheap labor in the last sentence I get a little confused. Do you mean this in the last sentence- "...that in order to employ high quality employees, prevent cheap labor, and produce quality workers in every industry." If this is not what you were trying to say, please revise this sentence again.

5) Make the last paragraph stronger by adding a few more sentences to summarize. However, make sure it talks about the advantages since this is your position. The last sentence in this paragraph makes it seem like you are stating a disadvantage again.