IELTS Task2 Children who are brought up in poor families are better prepared for life

the impact of parents' wealth on children's future

Title: Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

There are widely differing views on the issue of whether children brought up by wealthy parents can be more prepared for their future life, compare with the children who brought up in families that do not have too much money. Some people would suggest that brought up in poor condition family is better for children; however, I personally believe that children who brought up in rich family will be better for children.

First, with reference to get offered a job in the future, the reason why I disagree with the topic is that children who grown up in wealthy family are usually have higher education level. And that can make them find a job easier. Simply speaking, their family can support them to go to study in University, moreover, they might have enough money and ability let their children study abroad, on the other hands, they would have an amazing personal statement on their resume and have more possibility to get hired. Despite the majority may stick to the idea that it is all about the personal ability, this is a common sight that always happen in this society.

Second, money is always the problem that people have to face when they grow up. For example, if their parents have enough money to invest children to create their own career, they don't need to borrow money from bank. Obviously, they don't need to carry a large number of debts and high risk for creating their business. As an illustration, they will have more time to think how to run their business; however, the children who own this advantage should be brought up by wealthy parents.

To sum up, I once again reaffirm my position that compare with wealthy family, the family who don't have that much money their children are not better prepared to deal with the problem of adult life. Surely, some children who grown up in wealthy family are also not prepared for the adult problem in the future, but the undeniable thing is they have more possibility to solve those problems

You have not done a very good job on this essay. Mostly because you failed to properly respond to the prompt discussion instruction which is; "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" Prior to providing your reasons, you need to give your measured response first. So you cannot just personally believe in the statement, you need to provide the discussion requirements which are: measured response + reasons.

Now, you have also over written in this essay. The expectation is a simple essay of 275-290 words. You have provided 344 words. While I admire your typing speed, I do not admire the errors you made in the essay because of your desire to impress the reviewer solely by your knowledge of English words. That is the worst thing you can do in this essay. You will score better with a short, but clearly explained essay.

Your presentation is too full of word fillers. Every other sentence is a filler phrase or sentence that does not really help clearly explain your essay opinion to the examiner. You also tend to use conjunctions like "and" to start sentences when you know that cannot be done because it is used to connect thoughts in a sentence. You also have several misused punctuation marks such as semi-colons in the essay. You make the error of capitalizing words that are not nouns like "university", all of which will combine to lower your GRA score.

So between the improperly formatted discussion presentation, the errors in writing and grammar, and the lack of formality in your writing (due to contractions), the length of your essay is not going to assure you of getting a passing score in this case. The length did not help you score better, it only allowed you to make more mistakes. Which is why you should write a short but clear essay, to avoid the possibility of making more mistakes, which could lead to a non-passing score on your part.