1. Your writing's layout, put a space between your paragraphs.
2. Write the complete prompt including the issue and the task.
Nowadays, school's curriculum improve getting better(1) every years. Undoubtfully(2), there has a school which add course about community service based on voluntary like charity, developing community or teaching sport. Some people argue that high school should arrange a lesson about society service but the others clash about that statement because the children have to study about courses which useful for getting a job in their future. From all of those statements, I tend to agree that the school should add a lesson about unpaid community service because it is good for children to build their awarness(3) in their society and make them become humble person.
A possible intro to compareLive learning lesson comes to school's curriculum. Obviously, this opinion leads some proponents to promote working in community service as mandatory lesson in high schools while the opponent claims that, through learning process, high school students should focus in their main courses. I agree that experience in community service working may take some benefits for the children's live learning.
First foremost, teaching children for caring their society is not simple as a turn hand. There has many of effort to build their awarness. One of effort that adult(5) can do is execute a programme in high school about voluntary for community service as a compulsory part. The activity will make children open their mind about many of people do not have good access to improve their live and enhance their softskill(4) in organize an activity. For instance, Charity for victims of disaster. The students have to manage the activity which can donate money or stuffs without unpaid. As a result, the student will learn sharing what they get to the others who need their help and learn to develop their society to be good environment.Go straight to the main idea then putting some supporting details with relevant example(s). I assume, your idea covering in the green alignmentCommunity service working provides the opportunity students to learn practically on how individual action can affect public's well- being. Community services such as working in wildlife conservation, teaching sport or collecting social charity for cancer survivors have taken into large range of benefit for the students itself in practicing their theories into practices and also it proves to the improvement of society well-being. While these real world experiences can deeply internalize, it can be the reflection for student before facing the applied work further. This is one of the reason why some educational jurisdictions in Washington states requires the mandatory of 200 hours of working in society services for their students to get certificate.
On the other hand, several people (6) disagree with community service lesson because they thought (7) this lesson is not important for children's future. Some parents thought their children have to study about mathematics, physics, economics which more beneficial to get job. Frankly, that lesson is prime but not improve the social skill of their children which need in their adult life in future. For example, the students expert in economics and get a great position in company but for their social life, they do not have experience to care each other. Thus, they will be arrogant for their social community.However, another view states that student should be tough particularly about technical lessons, such as math, science or literature in lieu of spare their outclass time to do job. As effect of working in community service, time allocation for study will reduce dramatically and leads to the downturn of student's performance in school. Palo Alto high school in California is one of the school which do not require community service for graduation. Though such work is not compulsory on its curriculum, if the students do social working, the oldest school on its region will reward them for their hard work.
1. Signal of redundancy
2. Probably you mean undoubtedtly
3 and 4. Miss spelling
5. Adult is too general, perhaps you can alter with educational jurisdiction
6. People is a plural noun so using several making your sentence show the overusing.
7. I suggest to use simple present as to increase your consistency.
I think eddies already gives you a precise suggestion to construct conclusion. Hopefully it helps :D