Children can handle school and work simultaneously, but that can lead to some health problems.

Is it good to have children engaged in some kind of paid work?

Nowadays, children are involved in paid jobs that brings negative views from adults. Some believe that if children start working early age they gain experience and more responsible fr they life.

In modern society children start working from school age in order to support themselves financially and get experience. This certainly brings benefits to children and they parents however there are several negative impacts of children getting engaged in paid jobs. [..]

Hi,
This essay consists of 185 words which is too short. This causes it loses mark (It cannot get more than 5 out of 9). Unfortunately, the organization of the essay wasn't good. You should also work on grammar and vocabulary. I have done some corrections below that I hope these comments be useful:

(U should start the first paragraph by a "thesis or motivator", then describe two different viewpoints that have been mentioned in the topic) Nowadays, children are involved in paid jobs that brings negative views from adults. Some believe that if children start working early age thay gain experience and more responsible fr they life (each introduction must have a sentence that links the introduction to body. This sentence is called "blueprint". For more information I strongly recommend u to search for "blueprint") .

In modern societyies children start working from school age in order to support themselves financially and get experience. This certi anly brings benefits to children and theyir parents.hH owever there are several negative impacts of children getting engaged in paid jobs(do not copy the topic) .

Nowadays children at school are very stresses withthe stress level of children at schools is too high because of many stressful issues such as busy timetables or new subject at school. if children carry outtackle school and job at the same time this might lead to poornegatively affect on their perfor mance at schools . Moreover some children might become keen of making money that they might be ready to do anything to make more money. In some cases they can even drop out school and join criminal groups (each paragraph needs a conclusion. Try to consider this improtant comment) .

Futhermore children can handle school and work simultaneously. They may get tired a lot physically and mentally that can lead to some health problems (First of all this paragraph is too short with poor supports. Secondly, the second sentence is in variance with the first one. I could not understand the main idea of this paragraph. It was really confusing) .

To sum up if children start working from adult age when they have batter understanding about life and they can handle their work (in conclusion you should restate the introduction and then give your idea, and finally finish it by a sentence called "clincher") .

Thank you very much.