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Children spent most of time at school and home which should be influential in terms of healthy life.



Beauty17 56 / 79  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, most of children have not considered about healthy way of life. Place where they study and get education, together with their parents should responsible to give solution of this case. I agree with these notions since children spent almost all of their time at school and home.

Unhealthy lifestyle emerge from their activities and what food that they eat. Pupils tend to be have long time at school and consume snack food there. Taking data from research of WHO about lifestyle of Indonesia children as an example. The information of this study is all of elementary school students in Indonesia lack of rest and spent about 9 hours their time at school and they also eat not hygiene food. As a result, most of them have deterioration in healthy and easier to get disease.

Both parents and schools should take actions to solve these problems. It is because children take a half of their daily time at school and another time at home. These close people should be able to control physical condition of children and keep them to always fit. For instance, school of my brother and my parent. His school manage time for their pupils to have balance activities between sit in the class and time for they play and rest. His school also has selection toward food that are provided, only clean and healthy food that can be sold in school canteen. My parents also concern to their children quality life with give them home made foods at home and maintain their health.

To sum up, many children now have poor healthy lifestyle. School and parents should responsible to accomplish toward this issue. It is recommended for parents and school to pay attention about children health.

(289 words)

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hello

Your text is easy to understand. However, a few sentences in it could use being readjusted (for stylistic reasons):

most of children [...] do not give much thought about leading a healthy lifestyle.
Place where they study and get education [...] It is up to parents and teachers to address the situation in this respect.
I agree [...] that this suggestion does make much sense.
Unhealthy lifestyle [...] is primarily concerned with the affiliated individuals consuming junk food.
Pupils tend to [...] spend long hours at school...
Taking data [...] Let us take the data from...
The information [...] According to this research...
they also eat not hygiene food [...] eat food that is not good for their health.
As a result [...]their health continues to deteriorate.
It is because children [...] I'm not sure as to what you're trying to say in this sentence.
These close people [...] what 'close people'? Did you mean 'relatives'?
and keep them [...] in shape.

I'm sure you will be able to readjust the rest of the sentences on your own. I suggest you spend more time reading in English - this will help you constructing properly structured sentences. For now, you should consider keeping them as short as possible. I hope this will help. Regards.


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