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IELTS Writing Task I: UK Cinema Attendance of different age citizens, from 1990 to 2010

kanzanism 2 / 2 2  
Jan 17, 2020   #1

cinema visitors' statistics in the uk

The chart presents the visitors' proportion in the UK cinema by age group from 1990 to 2010.

Overall, visiting the UK cinema was more popular for elderly people rather than other age groups during the whole period, however, the proportion's gap among the four age group had been wider by the end of the period.

Initially, the majority of cinema visitors in the UK was adults aged 44-54 and 34-44, accounting for 36% and 37% subsequently. It was uncommon for youngsters to watch cinema with around 14% of them falling to this category.

Apart from the previous comparison, overall changes saw an upward trend with some fluctuations, and its lowest point stood in the year 2000. Another biggest change was that the gap for overall categories had been wider. Surprisingly, the UK cinema visitors' proportion was as the same as the initial year, even though much higher, where it was dominated by elderly people, leading at 51% people of the group while the gap between this group and people aged 34-44 had been larger, ending at 6% in 2010. The number of the UK cinema's visitor from adolescents and teenagers shared the same trend, falling by 5% and 3% respectively before increasing, and then this prevailed static in the end period with a wider gap compared to the initial period.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Jan 17, 2020   #2
The summary overview is incomplete. It does not include the age group representation which is necessary to complete the overview. The summary should be at least 3 sentences long with the trending statement attached at the end for a more increased TA score.

Your essay tends to use only long sentences instead of a balanced mix of long and short sentences. Such sentence presentations in each paragraph would help to increase the GRA score. The C&C score is also affected by the constant use of commas to connect various information in one sentence. You will score better if you use stand alone sentences instead of commas which are often indicative or run-on sentences. These affect the clarity of thought in your sentence presentations and could tend to confuse the reader. Don't be afraid to use up to 4 paragraphs for this essay for clarity sake.

"Subsequently" means to occurring later or coming after. You meant to say "respectively" which refers to the order in which information is provided. Mistakes in vocabulary usage will lower your LR score. If you are not sure of the meaning of a word you want to use, then try to say what you mean in another way. Don't risk using the wrong term as even a single wrong word will deduct points from your final score.
juhuihjijuh 3 / 8  
Jan 21, 2020   #3
When it comes to task 1 essays, there are two options, either classifying the graph items considering their general trend into two paragraphs or mentioning the items in separate paragraphs. I personally follow both of them depending on the graph complexity.
trvaanh 10 / 20  
Jan 27, 2020   #4
Try to vary your sentence presentation by adding time measurement references. For example, instead of simply saying "from 1990-2010", one could instead say "representing 3 decades from 1990 up to 2010". Adding a little complexity to the sentence and showing a competency in using more advanced English language can easily boost your scores.
johnle29 4 / 9  
Jan 31, 2020   #5
Your vocaulary really makes me amazed. But I suggest that you should harmonize between 2 bodies in terms of their length.

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