Essay on the climate change - check my introduction

JasS 10 / 30

Oct 18, 2015 #1

Topic:

Some people think that there are things individuals can do to help prevent global climate change. Others believe that action by individuals is useless and irrelevant and that it is only governments and large businesses which can make a difference.

Discuss both these views and your opinion.

My Intro:

It is believed by some idividuals that people can take preventative measures of world climate change. However, others think that the act of individuals is worthless and that can be more effected by governments and entrepreneurs. In my view, both people and governments are able to influence on it.

Hargun003 4 / 27

Oct 18, 2015 #2

It is good enough, well you can write this quote as well , if you wish to...
It says,
Bring the change you want to see in the society- Gandhi Society consists of the people and the govt so i see that they both determine the global warming...

saugat91 1 / 2

Oct 21, 2015 #3

Dear JasS,

If you look closely at your introduction, you see that you have repeated the question in the first two sentences. Doing so succeeds in making the first two sentences redundant. Instead, you could start with your thesis sentence (the third sentence) and gradually move on and comment on why you believe both individuals and large corporations and governments can make an effect on the climate change. That would make your introduction more powerful.

vangiespen - / 4077

Oct 21, 2015 #4

Jasur, you need to better develop the grammar in your introduction if you wish to make it more effective and also provide some clarity regarding the prompt. I would have written the introduction this way :

Global climate change is a world wide problem that requires the cooperation of both the government and citizens of every country in order to address the problem. Who should address the problem, is normally a bone of contention. Some believe that the government and businesses, being the head of the state and economies respectively, are in the best position to prevent or ease the effects of climate change. So people don't need to worry about doing their part to prevent climate change. Others, believing that preventing climate change should start with the individual, think that preventing climate change is something that should be an individual responsibility. I believe that both sides have some valid reasons for the way that they believe climate change can be addressed. My opinion is that ultimately, preventing climate change is a world responsibility and therefore, everyone, from the government to the individual should do their part to solve the problem. This essay will discuss these various points of views.

Your introduction is not a bad start but it has room for revision. I suggest that you spend more time analyzing your prompt and your point of view before your start to write a longer essay. Make sure you are comfortable with the first paragraph because the rest of the essay hinges on that opening paragraph.