IELTS: "CLIMATE CHANGE" - politicians should take a step to save our environment

TASK 2
tittle : CLIMATE CHANGE IS NOW AN ACCEPTED THREAT TO OUR PLANET, BUT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH POLITICAL ACTION TO CONTROL EXCESSIVE CONSUMERISM AND POLLUTION

These days, our planet accepts many climate changes, it will make some disturbing trends for human and animals who live in the earth. But, the political action is not enough to handle pollution and much consumerism.

In my opinion, that statement is true and I agree almost 100%. Many problems from climate change make some bad effects for human and animal life. Some of bad effects are global warming, the earth is warmer than in the past, much pollution, difficult to find organic food, overuse the air conditioning , electricity and high cost.

The biggest bad trend of this problem is global warming. It will give new problem to the earth for human life. Many consumers who have vehicles will make pollution problem, it will be bad condition when in the world produce many vehicles so many gasoline also need to all vehicles.

This causes pollution and much consumerism for climate change. When global warming happen, automatically people have difficult way to find organic food for their live. People will overuse of air conditioning because the earth will become hot and not comfortable for live in. When this problem happens, the electricity price will become expensive and high cost for everything.

To get some goals from this bad trend the politician should give some announcements to the company decreased to producing vehicle and not give the easy way for people to buy it by credit, so it will help decline the pollution problem and excessive consumerism.

To conclude, time to time if the politician can solve this problem to make better place for life, this earth will become healthy planet to live in.

- Yulis, I would suggest that you mention some of the severe climate changes that disturb the way man and animals conduct their lives on earth as part of your introduction. That way, when you mention consumerism and political action, the reasons why you said you believe in that is already implied.


- Merge your opinion with your previous paragraph. This is supposed to be the thesis statement of your essay.


- Again, the two paragraphs discuss the same topic so they need to be read as only one paragraph. Further develop the section using additional information that is ready available via Google search under the keywords climate change.


- Instead of this paragraph, you need to discuss the reasons why you believe that politicians are not doing enough to help control or reverse climate change. Is it corruption? Is it lack of interest? Political lobbying? What are the reasons they refuse to take serious action in your opinion?


- Remember the rules for concluding an essay, restate your thesis, summarize the important facts then conclude.Those criteria are not currently present in this conclusion.

I suggest you revise the paper based on my guidelines first, Then we will look into revising the grammar problems of the paper :-)

When it comes to an introductory statement, you are asked to introduce the topic. Most students simply paraphrase the prompt as the background information and write a periodic sentence for the thesis because they believe that if they do this approach, this will save their time, not to present bulky ideas.

A closer look at the following body paragraphs shows that you failed to develop your central argument due largely to the lackadaisical topic and details presented. I suggest you to state the relevant example(s) retrieved from today's common issues and construct journalistic questions if needed. Also, improving less common vocabularies is a must. 'Bad is one of the examples that your graders won't read, or your score for this will decline. Next point you should highlight is the use of a subject-verb agreement, which plays an important part in grammar issues.