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IELTS Task 2: Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment


aravindia 1 / -  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
Hello everyone,
Below is my essay for Ielts academic task 2. If it is possible, please give me a score

Task 2:
Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that protecting the environment is the greatest responsibility of people. The law makers have the main responsibility for protecting it. However, I partly agree with the statement. In fact, natural ecosystem protection should be done by everyone including politicians.

There are several reasons for the politicians are held responsible for the environmental support. Firstly, the politicians can make new policies. Therefore, they can implement better laws which could avoid destruction of surroundings. For example, punishing and fining the people who cut trees. Secondly, the government could allocate funds for the environmental protection awareness. This kind of programme needs more money to implement, and not possible at an individual level. Thus, it is clear that legislators have a certain role in the protection of nature.

To protect the surroundings, apart from law makers, citizens have a major role to play. Firstly, an individual should maintain greenery in the community. This is a very important step towards supporting the nature. For instance, planting trees reduce the pollution. Secondly, the most important responsibility of people is keeping clean environment by proper disposal of waste products. By this way, society becomes not only clean but also healthy. Finally, an individual can cut down the pollutions by using the renewable energy sources. The solar energy, a renewable source of energy, can be utilised for the electricity production. In fact, solar energy is cheap so affordable. In turn, people can save the environment.

To conclude, although the politicians have the role to protect the environmental destruction, the important responsibility lies with everyone.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Hi Aravindia..
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to improve your essay. Let me help you to finalize this. In this meeting, I wanna focus on contents of your essay. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.


You successfully have demonstrated your skill. Your introduction could describe essential information in the statement. I mean that you could paraphrase well. Readers also can recognize your position between agreement and disagreement. However, you are supposed to mention briefly why you say that. For example, IN MY VANTAGE POINT, I COULD STAND OUT THE AGREEMENT SIDE SINCE THE POLITICIANS CAN CREATE NEW RULES AND ARRANGE FUNDS FOR THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION.

Following that, you have to harness linking words properly so that your flow is better in this essay.

In fact, natural ecosystem protection should be done by everyone including politicians.

I think you can rewrite like this MY REASON IS BECAUSE NATURAL ECOSYSTEM.......


Turning to the body paragraph, you have needed the supporting sentences to strengthen your opinion. I am pleased if you wanna describe your opinion with writing multiple ideas. Nevertheless, you have to review deeply to explain your mind.

Firstly, the politicians can make new policies.

You should elucidate that statement to make readers believe. If you do not, it will seem like layman's opinion. I hope you can keep that advice.

Overall, it is A GOOD JOB. You can illustrate your view and opinions systematically. Trust me, you can get the higher score in this skill if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK


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