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IELTS Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies.


Aug 4, 2014   #1
Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

i will take ielts test this Saturday,welcome to correct my essay.thanks :D

With the technical development and educational popularization, the competitiveness is strict increasingly in today society.While it is grim for many people who enter the society,I believe this trend would be a effective strategy to upgrade the positive attitude among the whole society.

People who study or work in intensified competiton can find their drawback compared to the peers,so that they will know how to remedy their limitation by learning from others.This is due to the fact that in comparison of comfort, rivalry can invoke people's fighting spirit and innovative minds.Besides, a sense of competitiveness is essential for students to better their personal performance. If they are taught to be ambitious,they might aware of stiff rivalries and have a rational career perspective. Without competition that people encouner in their dailt life,they may no longer challenge themselves to make a breakthrough.

Although there are many reasons to believe that competition is a positive quality for individuals,the drawbacks cannot be ignored.We should acknowledge many people who suffer from intensive pressure in competitive society only work or study for making a living,which impact adversly on their mental health and disturb their normal life.In order to finish massive works to surpass others,they cannot spend time getting along with their family or friends,so people are gradually not responsive to others'emotional needs.Even though living in a competitive atmosphere can stimulate people's potential,the society become more alienated and people's health cannot be guaranteed .

In conclusion,the rivalry can bring some adverse effects on one's life if they can not balance time between works and lives.However,all these problems cannot challenge the role of competition in modern society which is determinant to boost people's capacity and upgrade the social development.

Here is some general advice. Hope this helps;

If you look at people taking GRE exams, then mostly they put 400-750 words in 30 minutes. While IELTS test takers have 40 minutes for task 2, the number of words I suggest is between 300-350 words. This means that you will have in-depth discussion with more words in IELTS task 2. However, this must be written in a clear and logical way, called coherent. Also, you should present grammatical and spelling errors-free.

Let's say:

they might aware

they might BE aware

encouner

encounter

dailt

daily

people are gradually not responsive

people are not gradually responsive

in comparison of

in comparison to/with

drawback

drawbacks

adversly

adversely

the society become

the society becomeS

a living,which impact

a living,which impactS

can not

cannot

#bodies
Each body should have a clear example. This can be your supporting details

#conclusion
After a concluding signal, make sure you have a summary of main points of this essay. Then, the next sentence should be thesis statement which is restated with different words. If you could, then add a final comment about the main idea of this essay. This is the importance of a conclusion :D
Aug 4, 2014   #4
With the technical development and educational popularization, the competitiveness is strict increasingly in today society.While it is grim for many people who enter the society,I believe this trend would be an effective strategy to upgrade the positive attitude among the whole society (you have repeated too much "society", maybe replace them with "comunnity" or "nation" or "country" is better).

People who study or work in intensified competiton can find their drawbacks compared to the peers,so that they will know how to remedy their limitationsindependentlyby learning from others .This is due to the fact that in comparison ofwith comfort, rivalry can invoke people's fighting spirit and innovative minds.Besides, a sense of competitiveness is essential for students to betterenhance their personal performance. If they are taught to be ambitious,they might aware of stiff rivalries and have a rational career perspective. Without competition that people encouner in their dailtdaily life,they may no longer challenge themselvesmay not be well challenged to make a breakthrough.

Although there are many reasons to believe that competition is a positive quality for individuals,the drawbacks cannot be ignored.We should acknowledge many people who suffer from intensive pressure in competitive society only work or study for makingto make a living,which impact adversly on their mentalityhealth and disturb their normal life.In order to finishcompletemassiveoverloaded works to surpass others,they cannot spend time getting along with their family or friends,so people are gradually not responsive to others'emotional needs.Even though living in a competitive atmosphere can stimulate people's potentials ,the society become more alienated and people's health cannot be guaranteed .

In conclusion,the rivalry can bring some adverse effects on one's life if they can not balance time between works and livesday-to-day routines .However,all these problems cannot challengereverse the role of competition in modern society which is determinant to boost people's capacity and upgradeexpedites the social development.

Good luck with your test :) I'm about to take it in a couple of weeks. But hey, remember to improve your vocabulary because it is still weak in your essay. Despite this, your structure and idea are quite good :)
Aug 4, 2014   #5
THANKS Salmon!!!I will correct my errors!!
your suggestions help me a lot!!! :D Good luck with your test too!


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