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TOEFL composition, about effective leadership



bestgen 1 / 2  
Apr 17, 2014   #1
Topic:An effective leader tries to make others feel they are part of a decision.

We live in a world of pursuing efficiency, an age with fast pace, we cannot deny that an effective leader plays a crucial role whether in political or in business fields. An effective leader may have a number of good characteristics. The essential one, I consider, is having the ability to make others join in the process of making decision.

As an old saying goes, "Two heads are better than one". We can hardly accomplish our aims without help from others. Leaders are no exception. Political leaders usually have their staff; business leaders usually have their managers. Even in my school life, my class monitor has a class committee to help him make some decisions about class affair. Effective leaders often know the reason that working and making decisions as a team will gather many workers' knowledge and experience. Leaders with subordinators making brainstorming together might breed brilliant ideas. Thus the team will complete tasks easier and more quickly than before and the efficiency was improved.

Besides that, no matter how good leaders they are, they cannot avoid making mistakes, which might cause serious damage. However, making others took part in the process of making decisions will reduce the risk of making irreversible mistakes. Leaders might not able to see some potential risks fettered by his experience or familiar fields, but others might help him review his decision and close the loophole. Think about Napoleon. Without the insightful advice of Berthier, his Chief of Staff, he made several fatal mistakes of command in his final campaign-the Waterloo campaign, which directly led to his failure. Many people say if he has Berthier aside to correct his wrong decision, he might not be defeated by Duke Wellington in the end.

On the contrary, if a leader excludes others from making decisions, they might have a feeling of being abandoned, even depression and anger, and hence lose their motivation to work diligently, inspiration to improve their performance and aspiration to devote themselves to their work. The efficiency of a whole is doomed to decrease. For example, A company called Light Glasses used to be the leader of our country's glasses market and took as much as 20% of market share at a time. Nevertheless, the company's general manager Mr. Liu quitted and a new manager called Mr. Li handle this company two years ago. Several months later, many backbones of the company left it. They said they were deprived of participation rights of company's decision and cannot withstand the dictatorial managing style of the new general manager. With the loss of important workers, the company become weak rapidly and even close to be bankrupt now.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Apr 17, 2014   #2
Topic:An effective leader tries to make others feel they are part of a decision.

Is this your full prompt? I feel it is only a part of it. It's always better to post it in full so that we can understand better what it requires from you. I guess this is Agree/ Disagree type essay, isn't it?

We live in a world of pursuing efficiency, an age with fast pace, we cannot deny that an effective leader plays a crucial role whether in political or in business fields.

This is too lengthy sentence to open your essay.
OP bestgen 1 / 2  
Apr 17, 2014   #3
oh,sorry,this is the first time I use this website.I'll do some illustration later...
yes,is Agree/ Disagree type essay
thank you for your advice!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Apr 17, 2014   #4
I like the way you construct the paragraphs :D

As an old saying goes, "Two heads are better than one".

Good start, but I think too common for words. Better write your own phrases.

Agree/ Disagree type essay

For me, if you are offered such task, then you are asked to take a position, which is neither in total agreement nor total disagreement, but somewhere in between. Then, you should explain why.

if a leader excludes others from making decisions, they (Vague pronoun reference) might have a feeling of being abandoned, ( stop here) even depression and anger, and hence lose their motivation to work diligently, inspiration to improve their performance and aspiration to devote themselves to their work ( this are is not quite clear. Better rewrite)
OP bestgen 1 / 2  
Apr 18, 2014   #5
thank you~I made an elementary mistake ⊙-⊙...
not clear...do you mean the following words seems unconvincing?or I should do some illustration?


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