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Computer skills should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree?



vodang 2 / 2  
Aug 24, 2017   #1
Its topic is: "Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skills should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree?".

computer skills as a compulsory subject?



It may indeed be true to claim that adding some subjects to curriculum schools has long been a thorny question perplexing a large number of people. Whilst an army of people persist in the idea computer skills is not essential for learning, I totally agree that adding this skills would be able to offer more advantages.

The major reason explaining why I agree this issue is because society would receive directory many benefits. Many people, who have the same perspective, assert that the most prime virtue is that it creates positive effects upon whole society into a long-term through improving the quality of future generation of workers. To illustrate a common example, those who are interested in this issue look into Japan where the large proportions of schools usually focus on teaching soft skills. Another fundamental argument raised by advocates is that it helps students to acquire a good knowledge of computer technology. With having insight into computer, in turn, it also results in using easily online resources, which leads to open the door to better job opportunity.

On the other hand, there are some disagreements about this trend. The first one which deserves to draw people's attention is that many undergraduates would rely too much on computer. Hundreds of researchers have shown that this idea is only reasonable in theory but it runs directly counter to the facts. Lastly, another counter argument worth mentioning here is that buying a computer is beyond what their parents can afford. As a matter of fact, although this viewpoint is right up to a point, it only influences upon the minority. Therefore, a lot of families reported that they can fully fulfill their son's requirement.

In conclusion, computer skill has played a significant role in the people's life. This has both upsides and downsides in current condition and future circumstance. Yet it is my firm belief that strength of applying this subject for compulsory subject outweighs its drawbacks.

haugiangguny 2 / 2  
Aug 24, 2017   #2
In terms of content, it's good that you provide a specific example (Japan) to support your claim. But perhaps, you can make your arguments more direct and easier to understand. Also, the question directly asks for your opinion, which I personally think you should give in the body paragraph directly above the conclusion after having evaluated both sides of the argument.

In terms of writing style, I think you're trying too hard to add advanced vocabulary to your sentences and make them longer. Although having a wide range of grammatical structures is an IELTS criterion, trying too hard to make your sentence longer may backfire as it can sound unnatural!

For example,
It may indeed be true to claim that adding some subjects to curriculum schools has long been a thorny question perplexing a large number of people.

It may indeed be true to claim that : To me, this part seems a little too wordy. Maybe you can just begin with "Adding some subjects ...".

curriculum schools: I assume that you're meant to say the school's curriculum?

Whilst an army of people persist in the idea computer skills is are not essential for learning, I totally agree that adding this skills skill would be able to offer more advantages.

Maybe, you can change it to "many people insist that computer skills are not essential for learning". And why wouldn't you say "would offer" rather than "would be able to offer".
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Aug 24, 2017   #3
Quyet, your opening statement falls short of a proper paraphrasing and opening statement. You neglected to inform the reader about the actual topic that is being discussed inclusively (the 3 other branches of learning) and how you are to discuss it. This opening statement should have read:

There are 3 traditional subject taught in schools namely, writing, reading, and maths. However, there has recently been an interest in adding computer skills as a fourth subject. The reasons why I agree with this statement will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

You have to relate the new prompt in your understanding, but without the exaggerations that you have taught to use in school. Words like thorny question, perplexing, army of people, while these sound good to you as a writer, the examiner will not view it in the same way because such implied scenarios are not found in the original prompt. Using those words make the essay sound sensationalist instead of academic. Remember, this is an academic essay that you are writing so the same tone must be maintained throughout.

Your examples are well worded but not really developed. There is a lack of examples that could have strengthened your point of view regarding Japan and their interest in computer skills. I sensed that you were more focused in trying to improve your lexical resource score more than anything else in this essay. Let me tell you right now, if your TA and GRA scores suffer, no amount of LR focus will help your final score.

Now, when you are asked to discuss your opinion, don't suddenly change the tone of the essay by making it a comparison essay. Just stick to discussing your opinion alone. Nothing else. That is because by discussing both sides, you are no longer following the instructions that were provided to you for discussion. That means your TA score will face a big deduction in points.


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