Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms

Computers are now the basis of the modern world.

They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.

Computers have laid the foundation of the world we know today. While many are of the opinion that the classroom should be equipped with computers for the sake of teaching, placing too heavy a reliance on them may prove counterproductive. In this essay, I will present both sides of the problem and state my opinion.

On the one hand, it is indubitable that computers create endless teaching possibilities. First of all, by replacing paper worksheets and paperback textbooks with digitalized versions of them, no longer do students have to carry the burden to go to school. Secondly, student management can also require much less effort from the teacher, as computers can complete tasks such as sorting or auto-grading exams for instance. Furthermore, computers provide access to enormous, invaluable educational resources for both the teacher and the student. Learners can look up answers to questions or information about a subject on the spot, while the teacher can make lessons become more exciting.

On the other hand, dependence on computers may bring about negative effects. Firstly, computers can help learners browse for information instantaneously indeed, but this can be habit-forming and overusing computers may limit their critical thinking skills. Secondly, prolonged screen time may damage students' vision, and near-sightedness or far-sightedness has become increasingly commonplace among students as a result. Finally, students could become separate from the real world should they develop an addiction to computers. With no more human-to-human contact, learning is no longer fun.

In conclusion, although we can utilize computers to enhance teaching experience to a certain extent, excessive use of computers can have adverse effects as well. Widespread deployment of computers should be encouraged, so long as we do not count on them.

While this is an interesting opinion, it should not be placed at the opening part of the prompt restatement. It should instead, be integrated into your personal opinion presentation. The first 2-3 sentences of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph must reflect only the provided discussion points. The writer's opinion, or the basis of the thesis statement, can come in the last 2 sentences.


This is a totally unnecessary repetition of the discussion instruction which will not receive a score. Once you have restated the 2 public opinions, all that is left is for you to provide your personal opinion. The examiner already knows the discussion instructions and does not need to be reminded of it. Rather, he would like to hear your opinion and thesis statement as a part of the personal opinion clarity scoring consideration.



While these lead in phrases are acceptable, the fact that you failed to reflect that the presentation is based on the public opinion / reasoning considerations mislead the reader. The indication is that, rather than providing a comparative public discussion first, then your personal opinion last, the totality of the reasoning paragraph is based solely on your personal opinion for both sides. The discussion is to be based on the public reasoning consideration, as reflected by the use of the correct 3rd person / group pronouns. This will then be followed by the first person singular pronoun reflection for your opinion paragraph.


The summary conclusion is not effective as it merely continues the incorrect discussion format. The final paragraph is known as the summary conclusion for a reason. It is to represent the summarized form of the reasoning discussion, with a quick reference to the original topic sentence and writer's opinion.

While the writer shows a general understanding of the topic, the error in response formatting is the biggest problem that will adversely affect the final score of this essay in an actual setting.