Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers: pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers

todoroki 2 / 6  
Sep 15, 2020   #1
Hello, this is my IELTS writing task 1. I have practiced writing this task recently. Please read it and give me some advice to improve my skills. Any feedback is highly appreciated. The topic is in the attached picture. Thank you very much



The line graph compares the consumption of three kinds of fast food by Australian teenagers: pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers. The period time shown is 1975 to 2000.

Overall, both hamburgers and pizzas consumption increased dramatically over 25 years while there was a considerable decline in the number of times fish and chips were eaten.

In 1975, fish and chips were consumed most with 100 times, then followed by a decline to a little more than 80 times in 1980. Between 1985 and 2000, fish and chips consumption decreased sharply from 95 times to fewer than 40 times, becoming the type of fast food that was eaten least by 2000. In contrast, over the time shown, there was a tenfold increase in consumption of hamburgers from 10 times in 1975 to 100 times in 2000, whereas the number of times Australian teenager ate pizza in 2000 was sixteen times as many as in 1975. Originally having the lower times eaten compared to fish and chips, in the end, pizza and hamburger outstripped fish and chips completely. The period from 1995 to 2000, both pizza and hamburgers remained stable.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,923 3562  
Sep 15, 2020   #2
In the summary overview, indicate the measurement type. You cannot jump to the time frame without first indicating the measurement type. The information you provide isn't complete or very clear to the reader when you skip presenting one part of the information in the overview. You will also be able to create a more cohesive summary if you include the trending statement in the summary overview. It is the traditionally best position to place the trending statement as it helps to deliver a clearer overview to the reader. Yes, I advocate for the 3 paragraph Task 1 essay because of the way that it allows the student to aim for a higher C&C score in the end. While I do not frown on the 4 paragraph writing process, I find that the 4 paragraph essay is better suited for the scoring requirements of the Task 2 essay. You may not be of the same opinion and I will accept that. This is just my 2 cents worth of advice as a professional.

I find the last paragraph to be too long. You could have divided it into 2 section for formatting and clarity purposes. You should remember that the clarity of this type of discussion comes from your ability to create 3 group paragraphs:

- Overview
- Group 1 comparison
- Group 2 comparison

Look for the commonalities that you can group together in your paragraph presentation. That way you will have the ability to create clearer reporting presentations. Do not make the paragraph sentences too long that is becomes difficult to track your report. Also, you should remember that there are other punctuation marks you can use in the essay, not just a comma throughout. Show diversity in your sentence development use other punctuation marks and use true simple and complex sentences. Do not masquerade run-ons as complex sentences. It will never happen.

Home / Writing Feedback / The consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers: pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers