The consumption of fish - Writing task 1 ; line graph

topic :
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

fISH, LAMB, BEEF AND CHICKEN CONSUMPTION

The line graph give information about the consumption of fish and 3 kinds of meat ( beef , lamb ,chicken ) in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall , at the start of period beef had a most consumption, which was replaced by chicken from around 1984 to 2004 . Fish had lowest consumption and remained no change

With regards to the amount of beef use , it began around 230 in 1979 , decreased to 180 in the middle of 1979 and 1984 , and suprisingly reached a peak at 230. After 1984 , the use of beef decreased to around 120 in the final. in contrast to chicken , it began around 145 and then increased fast , it was around 240 in 2004.

Lamb started at 150 and then peaked at 130 in 1989 .Since that year it decreased and in 2004 it was around 80. Fish was not popular used in Europen country , during 25-year period started from 1979 , fish did not changed much , it was around 50.

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  consumptionfishmea.png
  

The writer has witten the summary overview from the incorrect timeframe. He must use the past tense reference since all of the data was collated from previously dated information. When he did use a past reference term, it was done in the incorrect sentence format so it added to the GRA deductions of this presentation.

His trending statement does not use the correct reference format either. A proper trending paragraph will make vague measurement references that represent a consistent measure, without too much data references such as year information. What he should have done is indicate the measurement type for additional data clarity. He forgot to mention that which led to a slight confusion regarding weight type.

When having a picture you get to describe the entire chart steo by step. This gives you a huge amount of vocabulary and knowledge and also the fact that you are describing what the image shows. Add up with extra vocabulary and correct verbs.

The content of the essay is not enough to cover the chart, moreover your structure of the essay is poorly organised, with too little information in each paragraph. I would recommend to make more comparisons between each factors, pointing out the most significant feature of each factor.

I think you need to enrich your vocabularies so you can use a lot of non-repetitive vocabularies in your essay. Also, you need to erase the space before any punctuation.