Unanswered [27] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Cost of Living Average in Riverdale and in Cape Alicia


Stacy Handayani 29 / 16 19  
Apr 15, 2015   #1
The table ilustrates the different between the percentage of cost-of-living averages in two different towns and compares to national cost of living average. Overal it can be seen that the cost-of-living in Riveldale is higher than in Cape Alicia.

Rigarding accomodation sectors, cost of housing in Riverdale has the highest percentage at 19%, while in Cape Alicia only at -12.5%. In utilities and transportation sector, while Riverdale has around one in twenty, cost in Cape Alicia city just under 1.5% compared to national average. While cost of health in Riverdale is 7%, it is only 0.8% in Cape Alicia.

Turning to groceries and clothing sectors, Riverdale has 4.7% above national average in the cost of groceries, while Cape Alicia only has point of five. Finaly, cost of clothing sector in Riverdale five times higher than in Cape Alicia that only has 1% above national average.



justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 15, 2015   #3
Stacy, overall, your analysis is accurate and you made sense in elaborating the numbers however find my corrections below;

- the different should be "the difference"
- cost -of-living - delete unnecessary punctuation marks, cost of living
- averages, delete s, AVERAGE
- Riveldale, mind your spelling, RIVERDALE
- sector in Riverdale IS five times

Be mindful of your selling, linking verbs and PROOF READ it before sending.

Cheers!!!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 16, 2015   #4
Rigarding accomodation sectors, cost of housing in Riverdale has the highest percentage at 19% , while in Cape Alicia only at -12.5% .

Stacy, it would be nice if you write the topic sentence with no figures. Let's give a try:
Money spent in Housing of Riverdale breaks the highest proportion, while this percentage in Cape Alicia falls to minus points

Tips and Advice for IELTS Task 1 Writing: TR, focus more on 'overall trends' rather than details. In this answer, you have an overview but this would be better used with 2 sentences like I did. Make sure you emphasise the key points in the overview, which in this case would be that, 'Overall, what stands out from the graph shows that the approximate cost-of-living percentage of Riverdale is higher than that of Cape Alicia. In any case, Housing ranks the highest percentage of all, while this figure reveals a significant percentage decrease in the second area. ' CC is good but I would advise you to have four paragraphs - an introduction, two main body paragraphs and a clear overview. LR is also good but there are lots of repetitive linkers and words, such as while and has. GRA is just good enough. You have problem with spelling e.g. "Finaly", should be "Finally". Likewise, the way you compare and contrast the figures is already done. However, we, the readers, feel tired since you present repetitive sentence construction e.g. ""While SV, SV/ SV While SV""

Thanks,
eddy suaib


Home / Writing Feedback / Cost of Living Average in Riverdale and in Cape Alicia
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳