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Whom in your country would you choose to build a statue for?



s033591 7 / 7  
Feb 17, 2011   #1
Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would
you choose? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

A statue or monument is something that is meaningful to us. Thus, if I am asked to choose a person on behalf of our city, there is no doubt that I will choose Chen Shu-chu as a rightly candidate because she is good-hearted, modest and never surrender to her life.

She was selected as one of the Time 100 in the Heroes category. Not because she did something brave to save people's lives, but she donates most of her incomes to charity and someone in need of help. Being a vegetable vendor in a market, it is unlikely to have enough money to lead a decent life. However, she generously gave all the money. Because she thought that only did money spend on someone who truly need then it became meaningful. It is indeed a thoughtful idea and we should really take it seriously.

Besides being kind, she is also modest. Not until the TV reported her great behavior did we know this thrilling news. She never boasted about how much she donated but she kept selling her vegetable as usual. It is a great attitude everyone should follow. It is hard to imagine if everyone shows off everyday what will it be in our society.

Last, by this report we realize what was happening on her. She lost her parents when she was young, and therefore she was responsible for the economy in her family. She was not only conquered the fate to sustain her family but she also help her brothers finish their studies in university. It is really a good example for us. Once you never give up, you may succeed in the end.

In conclusion, what she had done have an influential impact on our lives and set an good example for our generation. Hence, it is without doubt she is the best one for a statue.

changeurfeet 2 / 8  
Feb 17, 2011   #2
Hi,
I really enjoyed your essay, there are some grammatical errors that I saw. This sentence is a run-on. Thus, if I am asked to choose a person on behalf of our city, there is no doubt that I will choose Chen Shu-chu as a rightly candidate because she is good-hearted, modest and never surrender to her life . It could be eaisly split into two sentences. "Thus, if I am asked to choose a person on behalf of our city, there is no doubt that I will choose Chen Shu-chu. She is good-hearted, modest and never surrendered to her life."

The next thing I would do is the opening sentence of the second paragraph remind your readers that Time is a magazine. "She was selected by Time magazine to be featured as one of their 100 Heroes."

I would make these two sentences into one sentence Being a vegetable vendor in a market, it is unlikely to have enough money to lead a decent life. However, she generously gave all the money. it could read "A vegetable vendor in a market is unlikely to have enough money to leas a decent life, however, she generously gave away all her money." Then you general do not want to start a sentence with the word "because" it is a conjunction and belongs in the middle of a sentence.

The third paragraphs opening sentence and closing sentence needs to be reworded. The closing statement is clunky "had done have" is redundant.
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 25, 2011   #3
Use rightly to modify a verb, not a noun.
...as a righteous candidate, because she is good-hearted, modest, and unwilling to surrender to adversity.

Being a vegetable vendor in a market, it is unlikely to that she will have enough...

When you put 2 sentences together to make a compound sentence, use a comma: It is indeed a thoughtful idea, and we should really take it seriously.

Last, by this report we realize what was happening on to her.

Excellent. I think this is a strong essay. It might be a good idea to talk about how seeing a statue of her will benefit people. For example, is her lesson about kindness the most important lesson for people to see these days? Maybe it is.


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