IELTS about if creative artists can express their ideas in any way they like

Hi all,

Here is my new essay about below topic, I am very appreciated to get your comments,thanks in advance.

Topic: Creative artists should always be given freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Response:

Overall, I disagree with this opinion expressed particularly, because any unconditional freedom is impossible to be existent for people in human societies，and creative artists are no exception.

Firstly, I won't deny that creative artists are playing a significant role in the field of art innovation and development. They are always the pioneers of art and leading the fashion in their favorite area. They bring us touching stories, amazing photos, popular music or fantastic movies etc, by which make our mental lives rich and varied, also deepen our understanding of nature and human behaviors as well. In terms of their contributions to the society, these creative artists should be encouraged to express their ideas freely in their own ways.

However, creative ideas not always equal to positive ideas and unrestricted behaviors may lead to unexpected results. If some ideas are too ultra or are expressed in an extreme ways, unfortunately, it may negatively impact our society, for instance, too much violence, horror or pornographic descriptions in novels, photos or films. Although adults are able to recognize what is right or wrong at most of the time, but children or young people might be easily misled. So certain government restrictions are definitely necessary on these creative artists' behaviors. Actually, I think these restrictions should be adapted to all artists, rather than to creative artists only, even to any people in the societies.

In conclusion, we should encourage those creative artists to exhibit their perfect works in any fantastic ways on condition that no negative effects resulted to public and our society.

Hi BrookW,
your pattarn of writing is quite good but It will be more better I believe If you work some on following:

1.Its argumentative essay so its better to give some ideas of other people thought in introduction like 'Although there are some strong argument for ....however I disagree the concept of....'

2.Better to avoid abbreviation . Instead of etc better to write Etcetera. .

3. you wrote in your 3rd para' it may negatively impact our society'...what are those negative impacts?Children are misleded but how? try to elaborate that as it is your main supporting idea.

your writing idea is really good.work limit excellent 260 words.look at your time 40 mins.
thanks

Hi Ratree,

Thank you so much for your comments, I'll do it!

Wow, thank you for makingme smarter. This is a very wise observation. I often think about where the line should be drawn on a continuum between artistic freedom and censorship.

I have come up with some clever ideas about it, but your observation is the most fundamental: unconditional freedom is never possible. It's true. If you have a body, you cannot have unconditional freedom. Also, when you set up a government you all agree to give up a little freedom for a lot of security.

Overall, I disagree with this opinion expressed, particularly because any unconditional freedom is impossible for people in human societies，and creative artists are no exception.---I made some small changes here.

Firstly , I won't deny that creative ----No need for "firstly." It's a stupid word. :-)

In conclusion, we should encourage those creative artists to exhibit their perfect works in any fantastic ways on condition that no negative effects resulted to public and our society.----This sentence seems unnecessarily complex. I think you should simplify it and shorten it. Then, add one more sentence as a sort of "final thought" about the whole issue.