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IELTS writing task 2 Crimes are rising among young people. Cause - solution


NguyenPhuoc 4 / 7 3  
Aug 27, 2020   #1

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.


Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

Recently, the number of criminals has been climbing up all around the world. The roots for this issue seem to be focused on 3 areas. Some methods to address these problems seem to be clear to us.

The major cause, perhaps, comes from the lack of suitable punishments of the authority. For example, the punishments for criminals usually aim at causing mental or physical damages without being educative and directing them to be a better person. Another visual cause is from poverty. It is obvious that most people choose to become criminals because they cannot afford their life. It is easy to understand since no one originally wants to commit crimes unless they are urged by their survival instinct. Last but not least, family life can substantially affect a child to become a criminal in the future. It appears in some cases that criminals' parents used to commit crimes in the past

Turning to possible remedies for these problems, the main role may come from the authority. Instead of torturing criminals' mentality and physicality. They should implement some activities that help enhance the awareness of being a better person of the crime committer. The state also needs to focus on the poors and make sure that economy develops equally. Another solution is to provide homeless people with subsidy. To reduce the crime rate, parents should consider the most efficient way to raise child regardless of who they were in the past since everyone has a past and they need to acknowledge that they have learn the lesson and they should teach their children not to step on their foot print.

In summary, the main causes come from penalties, economy and education. Authority can help by providing subsidy and changing the punishments while each parent should try their best to give proper education to their children contribute to the reduction of crimes.

lhtp 1 / 3  
Aug 27, 2020   #2
other options for " for example" : "to be more precise", "to make this view much clearer, one good example for this might that..."
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,560 2976  
Aug 27, 2020   #3
The general focus of your essay is incorrect. The topic surrounds the discussion of the rise in crime among young people. You did not identify the age group within the prompt paraphrase as it was indicated in the original discussion. You also did not paraphrase enough words in the first sentence to prove that you did not use memorized words and phrases in the restated presentation. There is also no clear outline of the discussion topics in relation to the causes and solutions you will be presenting, as it relates to the young adults discussion.

You lack proper topic development and explanation in all the relevant sections of the essay. You only mention topics with a slight explanation but no justification. The justification of your discussion is what creates the cohesiveness and coherence in the essay. Otherwise, it is nothing but simply stated topics, which leads to little or no discussion development as evidenced in this presentation.
tanghuong 2 / 3  
Aug 27, 2020   #4
Please correct me if I am wrong :
1. that they have learned the lesson.
2. subsidy --> subsidies
Yaghish 1 / 2  
Aug 28, 2020   #5
pargraph2 no need from
P3 first line authority no need article
Also there are some grammatical errors in ur essay
OP NguyenPhuoc 4 / 7 3  
Sep 3, 2020   #6
Merged:

IELTS writing task 2 Crimes are rising among young people. Cause - solution (fixed)



Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

Nowadays, crime rate has been rising globally and young adults appear to participate in many cases. Some roots of the problem have been pointed out coming along with some possible solution.

The most popular cause can be seen is the lack of consideration of parents. There are many reasons for this. Criminal parents can be taken as an example since their children can negatively affected by their bad habits like smoking, using drug or shop-lifting. Even small impacts of those habits can potentially turn the child into a criminal in the future. Another sector which should take responsible for the problem is education. Although moral education has been provided to students, It is solely theoretic and lack of practice, leading to children' development without the awareness of proper behaviors and actions.

Turning to some possible remedies. The most effective way to prevent youngsters from committing crimes is that the people around them should play as a positive role model. If the children lived in such community, they would learn from those positive attitudes and become a law-abiding citizen. Alternatively, the moral education subject should be more practical for students to comprehend. Instead of solely studying on papers, the students should be encouraged to participating in voluntary works organized by schools' leaders. Those activities would not only give them the opportunity to practice what they learn in class but also nurture their social awareness, protecting them from negative temptations.

To sum up, those who are externally responsible for the failure of a child's development mainly are their parents and education. Within the improvement of those sectors, the children will be able to grow up being a good part of society.


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